Gone from her life without even a whimper ...

[Jolie40]

No contact ultimately came quietly, with no froufrou, no alarms or bells even. Truth be told it's abandonment more than no contact, something that I believe actually occurred a very long time ago for her and I failed to acknowledge it as such.

yes, it does seem in some families that NC doesn't phase them at all

I've realized me being the SG & PD parent not "feeling" close to me is now an advantage
PD parent is now in long term care & does nothing there (doesn't do activities) but make phone calls
two of my siblings get up to 50 calls per day from PD parent & it's driving them crazy!
PD parent has memory problems so she'll call them & 5 min later call again cause she doesn't remember she called.....phone numbers are written down for her so she just makes calls all day long

when she first went to NH, she did call husband at work to ask him to get her out of there but after a while, she gave up
she never calls to speak to our child......she ignores that she has a grandchild

when I went NC, I did with everyone
however, one sibling moved out of state & we now facetime every couple weeks
that's how I learned about all the calls

I'm glad to not be getting 50 calls per day!

[overitall]

Moglow...be grateful that you had a father who understood...my uNPDf nows what she is, but is unwilling to stop her...they are still together...a very dysfunctional and toxic relationship wherein neither is willing and/or able to address their issues...I used to feel sorry for my father but lost all respect because he would not stand up to her for his children

[The Butterfly Effect]

my uNPDf nows what she is, but is unwilling to stop her...they are still together...a very dysfunctional and toxic relationship wherein neither is willing and/or able to address their issues.

My father was (and still is) a cog in the machine and played his enabling role throughout my life. He's now in his twilight years;  shadow of the man he was. Down beaten and will support my uNPDm until is death. BUT, he's very aware of her toxic behaviour, the back stabbing, lies and behind the scenes triangulation. He was present when my mother verbally attacked me for the very last time. His body language and silence was very telling. No jumping to her defence. No attacking me. He would have paid the price for that from her.  He knew it was a matter of time before I said "enough - I'm
Done!" and walked away from the toxicity. It came to no suprise to him. However, I do not feel sympathy for him. I understand why he enables her because he wants a quiet life and she will make (and still does) make his life hell.  But that is his choice, his to deal with.

[overitall]

Yes, Butterfly...the exact description of my father...late 80's and both cannot keep up with the house...can't hire anyone to help because "no one will deal with your mother"  He idly sat by and watched her literally physically and mentally abuse me and did nothing and now he is stuck with her....It's nice to watch karma take place...I'm again NC but I am already more than aware of how it is playing out for him now

[moglow]

The dads aren't really an issue with mine other than peripherally. Daddy's been gone over 25 years now, plus they had divorced 25 years before that and she remarried within the year after. I lost both within four months of each other.

Thing is for me, i dont remember either Daddy or Dad being around during her rages. I can only believe at some point she learned to control it, that she plays to her audience at the time.

Jolie, you make a good point. At least im no longer the target of her calling or texting. Wish I knew then what I know now, I could have ramped up talking about *anything but her* and ended it! It never occurred how severely limited she was when it came to other people. Now I can't unsee it but that too is a blessing finally. Thx for the reminder.

[olivegirl]

  Moglow!

So much that has been written in this post resonates with me: their feelings of deep jealousy and caustic resentment which fueled my mother to sabotage my relationships with almost every one in my life! 

Any resistance to her quest to dominate me is a call to war in her mind.

She literally would leave voicemail messages, asking me when I would "stop this war."  The queen witch wants total subservience.

My clueless father just worships her and views her "my way or the highway" as a sign of strength.  She tells him what to think and do and he happily complies. 

As a result, he just rages at me at my mother's behest.  She smugly observes and he gets to feel like a king supporting his queen.  He loves to see my face fall when he demeans me.

I used to feel fear.

Then pity.

I used to feel despair as to why she chose this way. 

Not anymore.

I just feel relief I got away! 

[sandpiper]

Reading through all this and I am just at such a loss to find what to say.
Big hugs to all of you here and Mo...I just feel so much for you. We go back a long time now and I know how hard you've tried over the years.
I think they get worse with age.
DH is dealing with his uNPD father falling off the perch right now and all of the health staff who have to deal with 92yro father deserve to be sainted for what they put up with. I stepped away from that a long time ago but it's still awful to watch from the sidelines.