This fear is paralyzing and debilitating - Help

[Associate of Daniel]

Lotus 2, I can relate.  Thankfully I am now separated/divorced for 10+ years and my ds is now a fairly independent 16 and 1/2 year old, so communication with my uNPD exH and his uNPD wife is now far less frequent.

I agree with SoT - parenting app/email.  One other thing I did was implement a curfew.  No communications (emails) between 9pm and 9am, unless there was an emergency.  It took a while for uND exH to click into that and every now and then he'd have a hissy fit over something and state that "The curfew is suspended."!!!  Well maybe he didn't stick to it on his end but I just continued to on my end.

Also, I silenced the notifications of his and her emails.  So I'd only see that they'd sent one if I happened to look at my phone.

After a time, I checked my phone less frequently and I also started to wait to actually read their emails.  I'd make sure that I was in an ok headspace first.  I wish I'd been able to work out how to send their emails directly to a folder.

I wanted to join a parenting app, as was recommended to us by a court psychologist.  But uNPD exH refused.  I wasn't going to fork out the money for it if he wasn't going to use it.  And by that stage I was healed enough to not have such awful reactions to his emails anyway.

Regarding your son - I'm so sorry.  I recommend trying your best to remain calm in his presence and respond to his accusations by asking him to explain why he believes what he's accusing you of. (Pick your battles though.). If you remain calm and don't make a big deal of what he says, he'll likely move on and forget the topic.  Above all, be calm and non reactionary.  Make your home peaceful for him.

Time will make things better.  I recommend counselling and using this forum as much as you feel the need. 

The peace of living without the uNPDs is indescribable and priceless.  You'll get there.

AOD