EnSis Reaches Out

[moglow]

Proof???? We'll require a proof of sanity before we proceed, sister! Just ... No. This is not, was not and will not be any more of her business! I don't even have appropriate words at this point. 

At the least, mute her messages for a while. Holy Hannah she's bold.

[moglow]

Just breathe, okay? Sit with this new knowledge and let it settle. All her questions and demands? That's her stuff and she has to sort through it. Whatever relationship she has with your mother? Also not yours. You're not responsible for any of that, no more than you are any explanations to suit her issues. We know she's enmeshed and in denial - and that's HERS

Hugs to you. We're here with you

[gcj07a]

Thanks Moglow. Final communication from her before I blocked her was that she had informed my M of my accusations and M did not respond like someone who had done something like that! Therefore, I must be wrong. She called my claims "ludicrous." Good riddance. Right now I am too angry to be sad. But the sadness will come. If nothing else, I have learned the hard way not to trust my FOO at all.

[Hilltop]

I'm so sorry, what a hurtful response from her. As Moglow said just breathe and sit with whatever comes up. These types of PD families blame others, as you said the goalpost kept moving away, just one more thing, and one more thing.

If there is anything to come out of this is that you know a genuine relationship with her isn't possible. It may not be the answer you wanted but at least no more energy will go into that. That energy can go into your own healing. I'm so sorry, how painful. I'm glad you blocked her otherwise it would be hurtful to keep reading.

Remember her response is nothing to do with you.  It really is about her.  Even if you can't fully see this at the moment, their response is about them.

[gcj07a]

Thanks Hilltop. I am just reeling. She has said nasty stuff to me before, but I never expected such venom! She must be feeling really threatened. I expect she will try to broadcast this to the rest of the extended family, esp. my brother. But if my suspicions about my brother are correct (I think he was also sexually abused by her), then this may actually prompt him to reach out or to get help.

Anyhow, I am currently reminding myself that I am a completely independent grown man with my own family, friends, house, and job. There is nothing they can do to me anymore.

Thank you all for the support!

[treesgrowslowly]

Hi gcj07a,

That is venom. You are right. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. This is her stuff.

A video I watched recently is from a therapist named Patrick Teahan. The video is called "is there cheap intimacy in your family?" on youtube. In the video he explains his view on triangulation in families and how damaging it is. He talks about adult children who protect the abusive parent. It reminded me of what you just saw with your sister. The video was a good look at the dysfunctional family system.

In case you are looking for resources that help make sense of this stuff.

Take good care of yourself,

Trees

[gcj07a]

A video I watched recently is from a therapist named Patrick Teahan. The video is called "is there cheap intimacy in your family?" on youtube. In the video he explains his view on triangulation in families and how damaging it is. He talks about adult children who protect the abusive parent. It reminded me of what you just saw with your sister. The video was a good look at the dysfunctional family system.

Hey Trees, thanks for the recommendation! I have been binging his channel the last 24 hours. So good and helpful. I really, really appreciate the resource.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hi gcj07a,

Great to hear! I have learned so much from him over the last while. He really gets it.

Trees

[lkdrymom]

Sounds to me like your mother put her up to this.   One question, why would your wife and kids have contact with her if you don't?