In-laws access to kids

[PoppyLane]

Hi, I totally feel your frustration and concern about being on a different page than your husband, especially with LO's involved.

I have felt similar things in my 20+ year marriage. And (after trying and failing for most of that time) I  agree with the others  that you can't make a person snap Out of the FOG.

I'll share how I dealt with my husband and kids. But I do understand that my situation is completely different and may not be helpful. Please take it or leave it

For us, recent couples therapy and sticking to my own boundaries for 3 years finally got my DO to step Out of the FOG and started protecting himself.

As for protecting the LOs: I went NC with my FIL during the pandemic, but personally did not want to block my DO or LOs from having a relationship with my FIL. My DO takes our LOs (without me)for an annual visit but only stays 1 full day and sleeps in a hotel.

Before the trip, I ask him to protect our preteen LOs from specific issues I anticipate (weight-shaming and eliciting codependency). This seems to help.

I also talk to our LOs matter of factly about their right to protect themselves. "They're very concerned with being skinny, but that's their issue, not yours. You can change the subject."

Good luck navigating this!