End times?

[Lillith65]

Oh, you made me laugh - vodka and marmalade  !

And it's nice to meet another member of the 'vile abusing daughter' club

I have extended family who I haven't heard from for years, presumably because I have painted as the wicked, cruel, selfish bint!

I'm looking forward to another Christmas where I won't be waiting for an invitation to the 'family' Christmas where I am asked to pay for my food and be designated driver after listening to as many embarrassing stories as they can possibly remember about me and before they tear me apart after I've left.

Good times

[doglady]

Well, my father died this morning.

He had end stage Parkinson's and after working hard through the night to keep breathing he quietly slipped away when only me and my mother were left in the room.

Two other siblings had just popped out for breakfast and were heartbroken they'd missed his passing.

I was making conversation with my mother and I noticed that the gaps in Dad's breathing were getting longer. I watched for a few moments and then said to my mother 'I think he's gone.'

I wish things could have been better between us. Everyone thought he was a lovely person, and in many ways he was, but he saw red if I stood up to Mum because it meant that he'd be targeted next.

I feel very sad, but also relieved that he is no longer suffering. A hard worker all his life, he is now able to finally rest.

[walking on broken glass]

I am so sorry, Doglady. I am sending lots of hugs. I am glad you got to be there for his final moments and that it was peaceful.

[Lillith65]

I am sorry Doglady. No matter what the relationship, losing a parent is hard. It removes the hope for closure or change in your relationship with them. But it can also be liberating and give a sense of freedom from the pain of seeing them suffer.

[doglady]

Thank you WOBG and Lillith65.
I appreciate your kind thoughts.

[JenniferSmith]

Just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss Doglady. Please take good care of yourself as you grieve.

[doglady]

Thank you Jennifer for your kind thoughts. Much appreciated.

[TimetoHeal]

Doglady,

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is never easy.  Please be gentle with yourself. 

[doglady]

Thanks TtH. Yes it hasn't been easy. I have felt quite flat and exhausted but I suppose I'll be up and about again soon.

[1footouttadefog]

Sorry for your loss.  I am sure there are mixed feelings at a time like this.  All of those feelings are okay, even if pop culture says otherwise.  It's okay to both grieve and feel a sense of relief at the same time.  Any other seemingly conflicting emotions are also equally relevant and okay. 

They are yours and they are valid and unique to the situation, and to yourself and your experiences and personal makeup. 

I hope you find your way to peace and healing.