"In Sheep's Clothing" by George K. Simon

[Winnie]

Copyright by George K. Simon, Jr., Phd in 1996 and 2010 and published by Parkhurst Brothers, Inc.

I thought that this book was very helpful.  I would like to get someone else's take on it.

[insidetheradio]

It is a pretty good book, but if you are versed on how pd's function...many of the examples will be confirmation more than educational, imo simply because he focuses upon covert influence as we are already aware of it here.

Not a bad book at all, but is sort of basic in a lot of ways. Can't hurt reading it though...I mean what could go wrong reading a decent book that will confirm you are on the right track with your new found ability to identify pd's.

[Winnie]

Inside, thanks for your response.  The book really helped me to understand underlying motivations of manipulators and helped ease my guilt for leaving.  My therapist said that the book may have been oversimplified.

[iamfree]

This book will always have a special place in my large library related to NPD. It is the first book I read about how my NPDexH was manipulating me, and the children.   Especially helpful was the section relating to the father's feigned concern for his daughter (using her to validate HIM)  and how he shamed and tried to make the mom feel guilty for not buying into his tactics, and trying to protect her daughter. That's my exH to a T! It's an ongoing battle.

[SDK1963]

I found it eye-openingly informative.  My focus over these past 18 months had shifted from 'blame' to 'understanding' - which was good to help me process where I am and what I'm dealing with, but I had begun to give my unNPD h a 'pass' on so many things b/c in my new mode of thinking 'it was just his PD acting out'.  To see so many of his PD behaviors not just as fruit of his disorder, but as blatantly manipulative stuff that I had a right to protect myself from was extra-ordinarily helpful.
For instance : his rages.  For so very long, although I knew I had a right to set a boundary and define how much I was willing to put up with (already a HUGE step forward for me), I always assumed that it was all a result of his lack of impulse control - just part of the PD package.  After reading Dr. Simon's book I fully realized that although there probably is an underlying impulse control issue - in large part the rages are manipulative.  And thus I gave myself permission to not react, not 'understand', not 'forgive'.  And low and behold, the rages stopped.  They didn't 'work' for him any more. 

[mulberry]

Being the Water,

After reading Dr. Simon's book I fully realized that although there probably is an underlying impulse control issue - in large part the rages are manipulative.  And thus I gave myself permission to not react, not 'understand', not 'forgive'.  And low and behold, the rages stopped.  They didn't 'work' for him any more. 

For this alone, well-worth the price of the book!   

[SDK1963]

I completely agree !

[Cricket]

Sounds like a winner!  Haven't been with a "rager" in so long, childhood.

How about a book on OCD, not to understand it, but how to live with it?  Do u know one?

Not to lose your thread content intentionally...

[whataboutbob]

This book really helped me. George had a "fatherly" voice in his words and sum great suggestions for coping with the aftermath of a relationship with a PD. His focus was upon moving on and taking our lives back.

[MyEyesROpen]

Just finished reading this book. I agree with others that some of the examples are a bit too simple, but they are still effective and well analysed. I would have liked a few more examples of the covert aggression but the ones given were good. I agree with the author that these characters are aggressive and that their tactic is to unsettle their victim and make them uncertain about what is going on, while they take advantage of them. I'm not sure however that I agree that it is possible to change these people by confronting their behaviour in the instant it occurs. I think thats a very optimistic view and very unlikely to succeed. 

[whataboutbob]

I agree with you Myeyes; I actually didn't stay with his examples too deeply in my reading because I had just read Martha Stout's book which had some really good case studies. I also agree with you about the possibility of changing them with an in the moment kind confrontation. However, for those of us still in a relationsihp it may be a way to cope or at least survive. My experience is that the PD behaviors either get more malignant or the victims of these disorders learn to manage it over many years.