"It's All Your Fault!-12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others" by Bill Eddy

[Truth Lover]

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! ~ 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything

By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. ~ Attorney, Mediator and Therapist
Published by HCI Press
Copyright 2008
ISBN 978-1-936268-02-3

We have a family member who has been blaming us and others for her problems for a long time.  I thought she had an addiction to "blameshifting", and now our counselor told us she is probably BPD, and probably N.  She only went to counseling to try and have an expert prove that we have the problem, which fortunately the counselor saw through and recommended this book to us. (And of course our family member does not think she has a problem so she will not go further in counseling for herself. We are continuing to go for now to get advice on how to handle her.)

I just finished this book and really liked it because it explained the different "high conflict personalities" in a condensed way, and then gave helpful ideas on how to deal with people like this.  There are many specific examples including family, business, neighborhood situations where the HCP (high conflict person) causes problems.  He talks about Borderlines, Narcissists, Histrionics, Anti-socials, Negative Advocates...  He explains many different options for dealing with people like this.  It was an easy style to read ~ conversational type.  And some humor at times, which helps me!

Since I am fairly new to this OOTFOG site, I am still learning about the different mental disorders.  I plan to tell our counselor about this site because I think it can help people who may not be able to go to a support group in person because of scheduling, etc... There are such wonderful resources here! I've already told a couple of people I know who are going through some tough times about this site.  And I've told them about this book, which some have already ordered.  It really is an excellent book for new learners like me.  It is practical and comforting, since it shows us that we are not alone in the strange things we go through as friends/family of BPDs or other personality disordered people.  And the tips it gives are simple and helpful, even if our situation is impossible!

So I highly recommend this book!

Sincerely,
Future Joy

[Daphne1]

There is a teenager I know and her father is narcissistic and a sociopath.  He has gotten more and more verbally abusive.  He has not gotten physically abusive yet.  I want her to read this book for some tips.  I also want to read this book to learn some tips as well.  Thank you for the suggestion!

[ms. smith]

Just wanted to thank you for posting about this book!  I got it yesterday and WOW did it explain a lot & had such great tips!  Thanks -- great find!

[boots40]

Thank you so much.  This looks like one for me.  The other books I have looked at were usually for specific relationships, parents or spouses.  Having a SIL who behaves a lot like you describe I have never found a book that quite fits - will give it a go. Thanks again.