"How to Spot a Dangerous Man before you get involved" by Sandra L. Brown

[Oneness]

I wish I had had this book when it came out...but I never knew I would be a perfect target for a psychopath - for that is what he is according to Sandra Brown,

Chapter 1 is called Understanding the Face of Danger and goes into the pathology of dangerous men - and those men are Cluster B personality disordered.

Chapter 2 is Red Flags and Alerts: Knowing, Sensing, Being Aware - and Following Through It goes into how we recognize red flags, how women learn to ignore them, and stories of other women's red flags.

Chapters 3 - 10 list the types of dangerous men - you fall prey to one who falls into more then one category. My ex had four....The Mentally Ill Man, the Addict, The Abusive or Violent Man and the Emotional Predator.

Chapter 11 is Signs of Bad Dating Choices which includes a questionnaire on whether you are in danger of dating more dangerous men...I took it....I got a pretty high score so I will stay away from dating for a while....

Chapter 12 To Thine Own Self be True: Learning to Heed Your Red Flags  Very good chapter for those who have to relearn how to avoid dangerous men.

Chapter 13 New Life, New Choices  Success stories of women who overcame their relationships with dangerous men and how you can too.

This was a very good book, it opened my eyes to how pathological my ex is, and how very dangerous....and how and why I became his target, and fell for him. Also why I stayed so long....my goal is never to trust blindly again, heed those warning bells, and never, ever, let another psychopath into my life....

[janedoeisbroken]

Where was this 17 years ago? 

[Oneness]

I know....it came out when I was in thrall to my ex. Many of us could have used a book like this sooner...

[mulberry]

Oneness,

Haven't got this book, I just ordered it. As you describe it, it sounds like a "must" for my psychopath-free future.

A good addition to Sandra's  "Women Who Love Psychopaths".

Many thanks!   



m

[janedoeisbroken]

I purchased it on my itunes last night and started reading it in the middle of the night. Truly, if only I'd had this book before. I want to have my daughters read it now...

[Cate O]

Thank you. I'm going to get a copy ASAP

[mulberry]

I just finished this book.





Taken from 15 years of research, this book is loaded with quality information...

Not just of the "dangerous man", but also the part we play, in perpetuating the relationship...

My ex had four....The Mentally Ill Man, the Addict, The Abusive or Violent Man and the Emotional Predator.

Oneness,

My ex was also a "combo-pack"; he showed signs of The permanent clinger, The emotionally unavailable man, The man with the hidden life, The mentally ill man, The addict, The abusive or violent man, and The emotional predator...

I was researching in my journal from 2004, and of course, my ex's name was all through my writings...  I wrote THEN how tired I was of him; he was needy, and fake, but I had no proof.

Why did I need any? Why did HE get the benefit of the doubt, not me?
Why didn't I leave him then?

I didn't get out after 1 year, of 5 years, but 12.

He was never "in".

It's too painful to think of the loss of my time, to a dangerous man.

I am grateful, for finally seeing the light; listening to what I've known all along, and making the decision and sticking to it, to leave.

I will use my time now, to educate myself further, and take better care of myself.

I feel no guilt, in saying this.

This book is vital, to those of us just starting out, or, like me, starting again.

[Oneness]

Glad you got a lot out of the book! I kept the-reading it and " Women Who Love Psychopaths," until it really sank into my brain. I will always keep revering to them....I feel vulnerable to attracting men like my ex, and being attracted to them. I am in no hurry to meet anyone new, but I must keep my mind sharp and not let my character and personality traits make me vulnerable to another predator again! Never will I ignore the red flags again...I must need my instincts if I sense something off.

I can't imagine how you managed 12 years with a combo pack dangerous man like that!  I barely made it out after just over 5!

[mulberry]

I can't imagine how you managed 12 years with a combo pack dangerous man like that!  I barely made it out after just over 5!

We didn't live together, Oneness.

I had a life of my own separate (but inclusive) of him.

If we lived together, I would not have been able to tolerate him for more than a week.

His betrayal, manipulation, deception, lies, and unavailability aside, I am also at fault for staying with a man I knew I could not live with.

I could not see the thing I needed to see. I could not believe the thing I needed to believe.

Now, I do.

[Latchkey]

This is an excellent read and easy to understand though difficult, very difficult to go back over my past relationship choices with new and more informed eyes. I finally downloaded the whole book last night and skimmed through it. I'm kind of in shock at how 'spot on' accurate this is.

I'm giving it to my D's 14 and 17 to read as well. Not sure how much they will understand but I can only hope it will help to impact the next generation. My 17 yo has already dated a dangerous man and she broke up with him thankfully!!

What does make me sad is how many many men I have known fit into a "dangerous man" category. Like almost all of them.  what is going on with society that we continue to produce these predators.

Thank you for recommending the book.

[mulberry]

What does make me sad is how many many men I have known fit into a "dangerous man" category. Like almost all of them.   what is going on with society that we continue to produce these predators.

I've often asked my self the same question, latchkey...

I'm giving it to my D's 14 and 17 to read as well. Not sure how much they will understand but I can only hope it will help to impact the next generation.

I've done my part in raising a son who won't be part of the problem. 

I am also teaching him about pd's; red flags, and what to be wary of.

As many here can attest, "dangerous" is not limited to males...

m

[Latchkey]

 

Mulberry-

Yes, I agree on not just men being predatory... I have an almost 3 year old Son that I hope to raise in the same fashion.

[WhiteCup]

This is a fantastic book for one main reason - its incredibly practical.

Sometimes I think women dither over how to "get rid" of a dangerous man - either in the early stages or later.  This book is totally eye-opening in my opinion.  Very clarifying.  Not a word is wasted.  Excellent (and I've read loads of these kind of books).

p.s. Its particularly on-the-ball when it comes to the real nutjobs.  Essential information.