"Ass-holes* a Theory" by Aaron James

[MaggieMayCat]

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Interesting read - talks lots about entitlement - small exerpt:

Assholes therefore come in quite different styles.  In order to account for this, we stipulate that there are many ways of coming to be an asshole, by coming into the appropriate "sense of entitlement."  What is crucial is that the sense of entitlement tells the asshole that he deserves, or is due, or has a right to special advantages.  The reasons why he feels he deserves special treatment may be as diverse as the stars.  He may be sure that he is the greatest historian, architect, actor, artist, corporate executive, or political leader seen in a long time.  He may feel entitled to his position of power and the control over people enable him to exercise.  When people suffer at his hand, this is simply an unfortunate fact of life - for them.  He may feel that the nobility of his character, or the worthiness of his favored social cause, gives him legitimate claim to have things go his way, especially when those who present obstacles can be seen as weak, unworthy, or morally corrupt.  He may find most people tediously  unintelligent or dull, in contrast with his own brilliant mind and matter.  He may relate to them as though going through a chore, and even congratulate himself on his heroic success in treating such unworthy people politely.  These are all different ways of having the appropriate "sense of entitlement."  If we had a taxonomy of such different entitlement conceptions, we would have a taxonomy of the different species of assholes."

The book delves into all the reasons a-holes behave the way they do, talks about the differences from NPD/BPD behaviors, how to defend and/or deal with a-holes.  So far so good - still reading.

[blunk]

I'm in the process of reading this one now. I can definitely see a lot of PD in the descriptions of the different types of assholes!

[solidground]

I thought the first chapter was interesting.  But didn't like the rest of the book.

The author's description of an asshole sounds just like someone with NPD.  He says an asshole is not just someone who treats other people badly.   They treat people badly AND feel no remorse - because they feel entitled to special treatment - because they think they are better than other people. 

They believe they have the moral high ground when they are mistreating other people.  So they brush aside any objections to their behaviour.  The author says this is the thing that is so infuriating about them, the fact that they do not recognise us as their equals.  Say an asshole jumps to the front of a queue you are waiting in.  That itself is not a huge loss to you - but what really bugs is is they don't give a damn how we feel about it. 

AND he says the big mistake too many people fall into is trying to somehow persuade them to give us that recognition.  He says that (without realising it) you are then fighting them on their own terms not yours. 

I found this really interesting because it perfectly summed up the dynamic between me and my unBPD ex wife.  All those years I futilely tried to get her to "see reason".

Also he gave a great description of the difference between genuine special circumstances and asshole entitlement.
There are some situations when it would be ok to break the normal rules of good behaviour.  Say jumping a queue if there was some kind of emergency.  But anyone could find themselves in those circumstances - so we still have the sense that the same rules apply to everyone.  But the asshole thinks it is ok to break the rules because he is special. 

So there were some interesting ideas in chapter 1.
BUT I have told you the gist of it already.
AND you can read most of chapter 1 for free on Amazon anyway (using Look Inside).

The rest of the book is him accusing various politicians and celebrities of being assholes.  Most of the time I didn't agree with his reasons, and just found it annoying to read.

I hope this is useful.
SG