"How to Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits"

[Spring Butterfly]

How to Speak Your Mind - "Become Assertive and Set Limits" Kindle Edition
by Darlene Lancer MFT (Author)

File Size: 372 KB
Print Length: 46 pages
Publisher: Carousel Books (October 11, 2012)
Publication Date: October 11, 2012
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
Language: English
ASIN: B009PFNIR8

Amazon Summary:
"Do you say what you think, express how you feel, and ask for what you want? How you speak immediately conveys your self-esteem. Whether in parenting, in a relationship, or in business, assertive communication skills enhance your effectiveness, confidence, and personal and professional success. Conflict is a big source of stress. You'll learn new techniques for conflict resolution, standing up to abuse, and managing communication problems in business and in relationships. Being assertive and setting boundaries and limits actually build self-esteem and reduce stress, while benefiting your career, relationships, and sense of well-being. "

"Once you learn assertiveness, you're ready to set boundaries with people. This ebook explains what it means to have limits and a bottom line and how to determine what are yours. The next section shows you how to verbalize your boundaries and the secret to making them effective."



Review: This book has been helping me sort through communicating boundaries more effectively. The biggest challenge for me regarding boundaries has been finding my voice. This book helped me see exactly how Boundaries can be communicated calmly and without drama.

Here's a few excepts that have helped me.

Boundaries are most effective when they're consistently explicitly expressed through both words and behavior. Words said assertively convey authority and clarity, so that you're not misunderstood. When you rely on behavior only, a friend in the preceding example might think that you were tired that night or out for the evening. Behavior that backs your words consistently reminds others of your needs and convinces them that you're serious. One person may forget your request, while another might consciously ignore your request. If you say don't call after 9pm, and then answer the phone, your behavior negates your explicit request and invites more late calls. When your words and actions don't match, they're no longer congruent. You're sending a mixed message, confusing others and undermining your authority and influence.

You might avoid the question in many ways, including ignoring it, changing the subject, or walking away to get a drink refill. You might think the reason is to because you don't want to take the time, but ask yourself why you wouldn't directly say, "I prefer not to talk about that now (or here)," or, "I don't know you well enough to discuss that." If you think the real answer is to spare their feelings, think again. The foregoing assertive answers are less hurtful than impolite behavior.

This article is an excerpt from the book discussing the six types of boundaries:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some/

This is a link to the eBook:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Speak-Your-Mind-Assertive-ebook/dp/B009PFNIR8

[Laurie]

I like this book as it's very concise.  It's a great summary.