"Language of Emotions" by Karla McLaren

[Spring Butterfly]

Paperback: 432 pages
Publisher: Sounds True (June 1, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1591797691
ISBN-13: 978-1591797692

Book Summary from Amazon: Your emotions contain brilliant information. When you learn to welcome them as your allies, they can reveal creative solutions to any situation. For 35 years, empathic counselor and researcher Karla McLaren has developed a set of practical tools for the real-world stresses of family, career, and the quest for personal fulfillment. In The Language of Emotions, she presents her breakthrough teachings for a new and empowering relationship with your feeling states.

Your emotions—especially the dark and dishonored ones—hold a tremendous amount of energy. We’ve all seen what happens when we repress or blindly express them. However, there is a powerful alternative. In The Language of Emotions, you’ll learn to meet your emotions and engage with them to safely move toward resolution and equilibrium. Through experiential exercises covering a full spectrum of feelings from anger, fear, and shame to jealousy, grief, joy, and more, you will discover how to work with your own and others’ emotions with fluency and expertise

Authors blog: http://karlamclaren.com/featured-topics/

The theory that there are no bad emotions has been very healing for me. Emotions are simply the body's signal an issue needs to be addressed. Understanding how to actually feel an emotion has helped immensely. The book outlines the benefits of various emotions.

Being in tune with especially the low levels of anger has strengthened my ability to speak a boundary and to get past the fear because if anger, which is our body telling us to protect our boundaries, outweighs the fear then anger is being used in a healthy way. It is being used as it should be to protect one's personal boundaries. Without healthy anger personal boundaries cannot be protected. This is one example of how the theory presented in the book has benefited me in my healing journey.

Highlights:

Emotions alert us to specific trouble, and they do so without any subterfuge. If we’re aware enough to listen to them—if our attention is focused and our minds are centered—our emotions will be able to contribute exactly what we need to move into and then out of any trouble imaginable. When we become able to hear and respond to our emotions effectively, we become able to understand the deepest language of our souls. With the support of our fully awakened emotions, those unceasing and abundant energies, we’ll be adequate to any situation, any issue, or any trauma.   •
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In an integrated psyche, the body does not imprison, the intellect does not chatter, the spirit does not pontificate or hallucinate, and the emotions do not torment; instead, each element and intelligence offers its specific information and abilities so that true healing can occur.   •

[Spring Butterfly]

On Anger:

This is a crucial point—when people are allowed to offend against you without consequence (though this may seem to be a compassionate way to deal with improper behavior), they will be just as damaged by the exchange as you are. Certainly, your own boundary and dignity will be injured in the attack, but if you do nothing—if you say nothing—you'll also ensure your attacker's descent into abusiveness and isolation by refusing to honor the conflict that has presented itself for healing. If you refuse to engage with people when they behave improperly, you dishonor them and the relationship. When you repress your anger, you degrade your own sense of boundaries and honor, certainly, but you also disrespect your opponent and ignore the uncomfortable truth of the situation. This has a devastating effect, because when you refuse to address your genuine emotions, you invite discord and deception into each of your relationships and every area of your life.

When you're centered and grounded, you won't have to lash out or fold into yourself, because from within your restored personal boundary, you'll be able to protect yourself and your opponent while continuing to maintain your boundary throughout the exchange. You can also set a verbal boundary by questioning your opponent's behavior ("I'm sorry, but why are you picking a fight?") or by bringing some self-effacing humor forward to defuse the situation ("I know I can be a goofball, but 'idiot' seems awfully harsh, don't you think?"). When your anger is honored and welcomed into anger-inducing situations, it will no longer be a mindless hooligan or an unsuitably softened weakling; instead, it will take its rightful place as the honorable sentry of your soul and the soul of anyone fortunate enough to cross your path.

Let's face it: your boundaries will be threatened regularly, your self-esteem will be destabilized, your most cherished beliefs will be attacked, and your sense of right and wrong will often be violently disrupted. The task of a whole person is not to hide from these necessary diminishments, but to fall and rise again with honor, compassion, and integrity. Healthy anger does not (and should not) stop you from falling; instead, it gives you the strength to rise every time you fall.