Asking for kids ssn

[Deandra]

Hi,
I haven't posted in a while because we have kept vlc will the ILs (unBPDmil and enFil) and are ignoring the drama.
H is still LC and I am NC for almost a year at Christmas time. (With the exception of the ils showing up unannounced at the kids bday party!)
Mil continues to rage at h over a variety of matters when they do talk (every few weeks), and, although he sees it for what it is, he cannot just hang up the phone...even if he says that's what he's going to do. He engages in the argument and eventually hangs up.  We were recently accused of abusing our child because we didn't give him the steroids the doctor prescribed for his eczema... called horrible names, etc. Fil sat quietly during the rage on speaker phone.  When h asked how he can allow mil to say those horrible things he says he is not her father and can't tell her what to do.
Anyway, out of the blue, fil texts h and says "we need the kids social security numbers".  H thought it was an unusual request, BUT texts back " will do".
Ugh! He said it's because we were out and he wasn't thinking.  He thinks it might be for ils updated will.
I just needed to come and vent, but also ask for an opinion on the ssn request.
I think it's inappropriate.
Any input is appreciated.

[Me_Again]

NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!

There is absolutely no reason a grandparent needs a grandchild's Social Security number.

If the ILs are updating their wills, the most they need is the child's full name.

Their request is beyond inappropriate and could actually be harmful (if they get the numbers).

[xredshoesx]

please be cautious- if they don't tell you specifically what it's for and give you the account info i would also be inclined to not share-   when i got married in 2009 i ran a credit check and found two credit accounts my biological mother had opened in my name with my ssn when i was a teen...  they had been paid off (by her parents i'm sure) but it was a hassle to get them off my report.

[VividImagination]

Just went through probate and there is NOTHING needed for a will except a name and DOB.

If someone has your child's SSN they can claim them on their taxes if they file before you do. It can be fixed but with GREAT difficulty,

NO ONE but a parent needs a child's SSN. Unless you DH has them memorized, I would hide the info well since he isn't able to control himself.

[all4peace]

NO WAY!!!! Absolutely not. There's no reason whatsoever they could need them, and besides that it is beyond absurd to simply demand that type of very, very personal information without any explanation whatsoever. And I agree with Vivid--it disturbs me that your Dh is so instantly ready to comply.

[daughterofbpd]

My non-PD MIL said the bank needed my daughter's SSN to open an account in her name. I still wouldn't give them the SSNs, you don't want them having bank accounts to hold over your kids' heads. If they want to send the kids money, they can send it to you, let you be in charge of it.

[bopper]

Or they can set up separate accounts for the kids in the ILs name, and then give the kid the money when they are 18 or whatever.

[girlgeek618]

My MIL did the same thing! Said it was for part of their will. I told my hubby that was complete crap. I knew because I was the executor of my dad's estate and had handled all that stuff. They said it was for some sort of investment. I was adamant that this was shady. They had done shady stuff before, when they were dealing with just my hubby.  He didn't think it was a big deal and I became the "gold digger" for wanting clarification on exactly what they were needing the information for. Now, we are also getting a lot of junk mail to our address in the FIL and MIL name (even though they have never lived here, no cosign, nothing!). My hubby says that just because it is junk mail, it isn't a big deal. I know there is more buried but can't find it yet. 

[VividImagination]

My MIL did the same thing! Said it was for part of their will. I told my hubby that was complete crap. I knew because I was the executor of my dad's estate and had handled all that stuff. They said it was for some sort of investment. I was adamant that this was shady. They had done shady stuff before, when they were dealing with just my hubby.  He didn't think it was a big deal and I became the "gold digger" for wanting clarification on exactly what they were needing the information for. Now, we are also getting a lot of junk mail to our address in the FIL and MIL name (even though they have never lived here, no cosign, nothing!). My hubby says that just because it is junk mail, it isn't a big deal. I know there is more buried but can't find it yet. 

Check the credit reports associated with your immediate family's SSNs - you, H and children, even if they are minors.

[Weebles Wobble]

I realize this is in reply to an old thread, but I just found this website a couple days ago.
So my parents requested DD SSN when she was not even 2 yrs old, but gave complete transparency on why...for a college savings fund. They explained they were looking at 3 different types, what those were,and provided all info about the account. They also listed me as main person on account and it is an account that NOBODY but DD can take money out of, and she cant until she is in college.

Now, on the flip side my NPDMIL asked for DD SSN at almost exactly the same time. She was much more shady. She just said it was for a high interest earning account for DD. I thought it redundant for her to do this as we already had the one set up by my parents. H disagreed and said it's good to have diversified accounts. Well, ok. Still had my questions. Upon talking to NPDMIL and a long long process of digging all the info out of her, she just wanted to open a savings account at her bank for DD. My gut said bad idea. NPDMIL answered my questions, but I called her bank to verify about this specific type of account and lo and behold, half of what she said was incorrect. NPDMIL would be primary on this account and have full access to add or take money at any time, AND to remove DD from the account! Also, if account is inactive for 6 months it starts accruing fees which has potential to affect credit.
H and I argued about this as he was still completely in FOG at the time. We ended up giving her SSN with her promise (worth nothing) to discard SSN as soon as it was set up. I regret allowing this to happen as I see some crazy thing happening when DD gets older in relation to this account. I also firmly believe that as parents, H and I should be the only ones to open regular bank accounts for our children and to teach them about finances. I just know she will undermine this down the road.

Hope this helps someone else being able to see the comparison between healthy adults doing something nice for their grandchild, and a PD grandparent wanting to get their fingers in any control they can over their grandchildren.