"Taking the War Out of Our Words" by Sharon Strand Ellison

[NoVoice357]

Title: Taking the War Out of Our Words – The Art of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication
Author: Sharon Strand Ellison
ISBN: 978-0-9820518-2-5
Publisher: Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Inc.

This book is about non-defensive communication.

There are two different models of communicating:

1- The War Model or Defensive Model, which is the traditional way most people use. 
Defensive reactions fall into three categories:
a- counterattack (fight) - if we can win
b- withdrawal (flight) - if we cannot win
c- surrender - if we cannot win or escape.
When we use this model, we are emotionally reacting to other people. When we engage in verbal interactions with others, there is a transfer of energy.
Energy is our source of power. Some people see verbal interactions as a battle to be won. When we interact with them, we use up our internal energy and feel drained.

2- The Non-Defensive Model is the one recommended by the author.
This is not about winning or losing. It is a respectful way of communicating with others.
The author explains that when we make the internal shift to a non-defensive way of communicating, we change how we use our energy and our power.
She provides a step-by-step guide to making non-defensive questions, statements, predictions and also many examples. 

This is not a quick read. Sharon Strand Ellison goes in depth. She is Director of The Institute for Powerful Non-Defensive Communication.

I find this book very helpful when dealing with people with a Cluster B PD in different scenarios – in the family, with co-workers, supervisors, difficult clients, friends and acquaintances.
It takes practice to learn some of these skills and I think it is worth it.

[all4peace]

Thank you so much for this!

DH and I come from likely PD families, and our communication needs a lot of help. We are both so defensive and we end up in fights instead of constructive discussion. I have placed this on hold at my library and am so thankful to have seen this post!

[NoVoice357]

You are most welcome, all4peace.