Does anyones PD family member treat you like their therapist ?

[Andromeda87]

My sister has these super long tedious conversations with me about all of her problems. She treats me like a soundingboard or like her therapist. She tells me incredibly personal things and won't let me get out of the conversations as much as I try and set the boundary. She dumps all of her feelings and problems on me and usually asks for advice but won't listen or take it....
Does this sound familiar to anyone else?

[Bowsy26]

Andromeda87, that sounds really boring and irritating.  I speak from experience but it wasn't a relative but someone who had been a friend.  It didn't start that way, but over time she began using me more and more like a counselor.  She'd call, ask me how I was, give me a couple minutes to answer and then would launch into all her current problems.  It went on for a couple of years actually before I finally told her that the friendship was over and that I couldn't help her with her problems. 

I don't have any significant insights, but perhaps tell her that if she continues a conversation when it has turned in that needy direction that you will have to hang up - and then do so.  Setting a boundary isn't getting someone to honor it.  We set the boundary and then honor ourselves when someone steps across it.   

[BeautifulCrazy]

Sounds like you need a firmer defense of your boundary!
Like, "I'm glad that you you trust me and value my opinion, but I'm not comfortable with all the deeply personal stuff. I find it a bit too much today. If you want to get into it, please call someone else this time." Then warn her if she is going there. If she pushes, hang up. 
Or, "Oh, hi sis! I have exactly ten minutes and then I have to hang up! Things to do!"  Set a timer then actually say you have to go and hang up.
Or, maybe, "Oh, I have to go, I just remembered (the laundry/ I have to be somewhere/ I left the hose running. Talk to you soon, bye!!"
If you don't give her supply, the demand may drop off.
You know your sister, so if these don't seem right, maybe they can inspire some ideas of your own. It sounds to me like you just aren't saying no or not firmly enough but I don't know anything of your relationship with her.

[Andeza]

You are going to get a resounding yes to this question from many people here. I recall a pd parents thread along this line and encourage you to check it out. It was extremely enlightening. I would link but on my cheap, crappy phone.

Now, I believe it arises from the inability of many pwpds to process their emotions. Any emotions at all, and especially the negative ones. Normal people learn how to deal with these things, but those with pds tend to deposit all the uncomfortable feelings with their chosen victims. Since they can't handle their stuff, clearly you should do it for them! /sarcasm

My UbpdM stuck me in the therapist role before I was even ten. As human beings, we are equipped to deal with our own stuff, not necessarily all the problems of others too. It is potentially (probably) damaging, and it's not a behavior they will willingly give up. Good luck on your journey.

[PeanutButter]

Yes. I felt like this with my uhpdS. I set boundaries AND enforced them.

(she) won't let me get out of the conversations as much as I try

IMO if you are waiting for permission to withdraw from this dynamic with your Sis then you probably wont ever withdraw.

From Out of the FOG "Boundaries are not an attempt to make someone do something. They are not about getting the other person to understand and comply. Boundaries are about us getting clear inside of ourselves as to what is appropriate and necessary for our mental health, and then taking action accordingly."
https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/boundaries

She does not have control over you. You have control over you. You cant control her. You cant make her stop talking about what she wants to talk about. You control you. You can exit the conversation. If your boundary is that you are not going to listen to her problems, exiting the conversation if she starts talking about her problems is enforcing that boundary.

[notrightinthehead]

Andromeda, you have already been given excellent advice by the other posters. I would like to add - read up on medium chill and grey rock and practice, practice, practice! You might not want to reduce contact with your sister, you just don't want to hear all her complaints. So actively discourage what you don't want by ignoring it, not responding to it, this is called extinguishing behaviour. Do not criticise her or talk about what you want her to change,  instead change the topic to something harmless or what interests you. Learn responses like ...ah well.....that's a shame.....never mind.... and then "so what about the weather?". Do not engage, show complete disinterest and remain calm and serene all the time.  She might start looking for another person to vent to. Good luck!

[GettingOOTF]

My sister would treat me like her therapist. She's married to a man who treats her appallingly, hits her, openly cheats and controls the finances. She would rant on and on to me about it but refuse to leave. It was so exhausting and it triggered feelings from when I was in a similar relationship.

She never took my advice and if I said I didn't want to discuss it then that would be the end of the conversation.

I totally get that she feels stuck but it was too hard for me watching her stay stuck. It's almost like she enjoys the drama.

I wasn't able to implement boundaries around it as when I said I didn't want to talk about her marriage she pretty much stopped speaking to me. We are now NC which I started two years ago.

Some people don't want to help themselves and it's been my journey to accept that and learn how to walk away.   

[Poison Ivy]

Yes, my ex-husband used to talk to me as though I was his therapist. Sometimes, I would say, "Why are you telling me this?!"

[PeanutButter]

Sometimes if we are asked to give someone advice we might be attached to the outcome of them taking our advice and feel rejected when they dont.
Sometimes if they dont specifically ask for our advice they may just want/need their emotions validated but dont need for us to name a solution to the problem.
If we are enmeshed with them we will not be suited to be either advice giver or validator for them because it becomes about the emotions we have as we hear about the situation instead of being about their emotions being in the situation.
If we are not able to detach from our stuff to be there for them we will not be helping them anyway. imo

[Poison Ivy]

I think that people who have been harmed by people with PDs should not be expected to provide emotional support or validation of a therapeutic sort to the people with PDs. Unfortunately, the people who have been harmed are the ones who will need to draw the boundaries because almost by definition, the people with PDs won't realize that it is inappropriate to ask their victims to be their therapists as well.

[Nomoretoday]

Late to this conversation but this is what I'm dealing with. I've had my own pretty serious issues but the one person will vent for an hour or more almost daily until I pissed them off. Then they vented to someone else for a few days before coming back to me.
I've just gotten to the point of not saying anything but monosyllable answers while not really paying attention. Honestly I'm sick of the whole poor me thing they do. They have a pretty good life and somehow they literally have something to complain about everyday. If I dare try to vent a little  I'm told they don't know what to say. Every single time. It's  very frustrating.