Abused in the street

[Concerned One]

So I'm going about my business on my daily walk. Some young man in a nice BNW asks me (or orders me) to do something despite him being closer to the thing than I was and it having nothing to do with me. I'm literally minding my own business.

I ignored him and went about my business. At that point he starts calling me names. Sexual swear words etc. As he drives past the abuse continues till he's gone.

I say nothing the whole time but now my inner critic weighs in and berates me for not defending myself and giving the man a right hook.

Prior to this I had been bombarded from the inner critic: loser, good for nothing - the usual stuff, only to experience it externally.

There is no way that is a coincidence.

[notrightinthehead]

In my opinion you took the high road. Engaging in a verbal mud sling would not have been better. His behaviour was out of order and you medium chilled, or grey rocked it. Well done.
The internal war with your critic has nothing to do with what happened. It seems your internal critic was attacking you viciously anyway and just used this incidence to continue the attack. This might have been a time when you could practise some mindfulness and tell your inner critic with empathy to give you a break, then focus on the vulnerable part within you in order to find out what you really need in this moment.

[Laurie]

I think you did the right thing.  If you had responded, the situation may have become dangerous.  He sounds like a highly unbalanced person.  If he hadn't left, it might have been necessary to call the police.

[clara]

I agree with all of the above.

I've had this happen to me, where entitled asses think I'm there to do their "bidding" even if they're someone I don't even know.  I've had the, "hey sweetie, can you help me with this?" occur only to be reprimanded when I refused, or ignored them.  Which I think is part of their act.  They're just waiting for the (usually) woman to refuse them so they can justify calling her names and taking out their negative feelings on someone they don't know.  They have a personal motive that has nothing to do with you.  Answering back can just escalate the encounter, and you don't want that.

Remember, stable people don't do things like this,  Even if they made such a request, they'd just go about their business if you didn't respond. 

If you haven't read it, The Gift of Fear deals with this issue and how to get over negative feelings against yourself when things like this happen.   

[Adria]

I agree with everyone else.  You did the right thing.  He was baiting you. Had you taken the bait, you could have gotten hurt. People are crazy these days. Better walking away quietly and safe then standing up for yourself and facing some kind of backlash.  Good for you.

[Fulcrum29SMT]

Not to mention that you never know what that sort of people have in their car's gloves box. A knife? A gun? Are there 3 of these friends in the rear? As humiliating and frustrating as such a situation may be, it's better to feel frustrated, but alive and well, than to defend your honor and end up beaten up.

[Concerned One]

I'm a big fat fraud and I'm not afraid to say it.

I used to box. 180lbs. 5'11. Still got muscles in all the right places. But I was afraid.

You're right. You don't know what people will do these days but still. I was afraid.

I walk around looking mean and menacing. But I'm really not. I'm a quivering pussycat inside.

He probably was too otherwise he would have had the balls to face me Mano a mano.

Two quivering cats in the street pretending to be mean. Quite the image isn't it. Ahahaha


https://youtu.be/0eAsPPv-no8