Feeling Run Over

[BuzzyBee]

I haven't spoken to/texted my NPDmom or aunts in several weeks, which is outside of the enmeshed "family norm." They havent either, which is also not like them. Probably a passive aggressive silent treatment. Probably a blessing in disguise.

I started therapy a week ago. Went for the 2nd time today. I left today feeling a bit crazy I can't describe it. Almost like a mini migraine of trauma in my head. Does that make sense? My head hurts but not from an actual headache... its like all the bad stuff is just crammed up there and manifests as a headache. Thats the best i can describe.

My birthday is coming up... seeing that they ignored saying happy birthday to my sweet son, I'm sure they'll ignore mine..

As sad as it is I sometimes miss her... but I'm also aware of how horrible she makes me feel....

Anyways my therapist had a great assignment for me... maybe it might help someone struggling here. She said to take a picture from my childhood and try to access the little girl in the picture. Give her whatever she needs, comfort her. She recommended Journaling, describing the clothes my younger self had on, what i was doing, how she felt, and what she needed. This has brought forth some great revelation as to where my self image is flawed by my mother.

She also said I'm already several levels above them, which made me feel validated. And I have to say I think we are all operating at higher levels than all of our PDs to see past them. Not in a condescending way, but an enlightened way.

Anyways hope everyone has a great week. Here's to healing!

[SunnyMeadow]

I'm glad you're in therapy BuzzyBee! I always felt better when I went. I really need some sessions but have been putting it off.

I think about me as a little girl and it's sad. Childhood is hard and having PD people in our lives makes it even harder.

Hope you do something fun on your birthday!

[SunnyMeadow]

Anyways my therapist had a great assignment for me... maybe it might help someone struggling here. She said to take a picture from my childhood and try to access the little girl in the picture. Give her whatever she needs, comfort her.

Ok, I just did this and it was helpful. It made me feel protective of me as a little girl. Thanks!

[BuzzyBee]

SunnyMeadow

Thank you I will try to have a good one although I'm sure they'll try to ruin it somehow. I just will try my best to not let that happen and enjoy my day away from them with the DH and kids.

I'm so glad that the picture exercise helped you! It has really helped me too. Its almost like we can heal the scars of childhood ourselves.. Im sorry you're struggling, this is why I went back to therapy also. I hope you can make it back soon.

At least, our childhood has made us who we are today.  I honestly am thankful for that. Here's to healing, I hope you feel better soon!