Divorce is Final

[saveyourscissors]

Hi. Not sure if anyone remembers me or not, but I sure found a lot of strength and resources from this site. This site was a real eye opener. I've remained very quiet with my personal support resources, including this site.

Yesterday was my 20th wedding anniversary. My divorce was supposed to be finalized within the next couple of months, but it unexpectedly happened yesterday.

I'm posting this because I've been to the dark bottoms of deep despair and thought many times there was no hope. There is hope. Remain steadfast and keep plugging along. Life can and will get better.

So bittersweet that it happened on my wedding anniversary, but still... a huge weight off my shoulders.

So thankful for this site. Hang in there, kind people. You've got this.

And... thank you.

[11JB68]

Congratulations, and yes, I remember you. Thanks for updating us from the other side

[saveyourscissors]

Thanks, 11JB68! I remember you as well. Seems like forever since I have logged in here. I hope my post helps someone. Anyone. This has been a brutal rollercoaster ride.

Working on healing myself and my son at this point. Still lots of work to do.

Hope you are doing well and hanging in there!

[frustratedanddiscouraged]

Congrats!  Wishing you peace and determination as you move forward.

[Blackbird11]

Congratulations and thank you for sharing! I'm almost done with my divorce agreement but it just seems daunting that I still have to wait for uPDh to agree to it and then wait for filing, etc. But I've gotten this far 

[Kat54]

Congratulations, Glad you made it to the other side. Mine was finalized a couple months ago...you do feel that weight lift!

[Free2Bme]

saveyourscissors,

Glad to 'see' you here again   .  Rejoicing that you made it through the dark place.  You have gained invaluable strength and wisdom through all of this I'm sure. 

It is bittersweet how the signing day worked out for you.  Mine came very close to the anniversary of the day I met my H.  Strangely, I was wishing it to happen on that day.

Now that the dust has settled, stuff kinda comes to the surface, IME.  However, I found that I was more productive working through issues after shedding the weight of the FOG and the divorce drama that was so draining.

Wishing you strength and peace as you move forward.   
Let us know how it's going, take care!

[blunk]

Congratulations. It's always good to hear of those who have been able to successfully separate themselves from the Pd madness. Wishing you peace and clarity in your journey forward.

[Mintstripes]

Congratulations. My 2nd divorce anniversary is quickly approaching and I am still relieved. Thank you for updating us. I hope you can enjoy your newfound freedom.

[saveyourscissors]

Thanks everyone! It has been almost a month now, and it is still sinking in. I feel the weight gradually lifting, and I feel like I can breathe a bit easier each day. Anyone going through the process, hang in there! You are worth the marathon, and you are worth the fight. 

[Stillirise]

So glad to hear this! Congratulations!  Thank you for the encouragement!  I feel like I'm slogging through a quagmire right now, between the Pd refusing to negotiate, and COVID making everything more difficult.  It helps to know the other side is out there!

[saveyourscissors]

Sorry for not being around much and supporting anyone else. I thought things were going good in my world, and thought I could mentally and emotionally relax a bit. I lost my closest support group, via my own personal failures. Ironically, on New Year's Eve, my son stabbed me with scissors. Been dealing with that. I swear, sometimes I feel like I have nowhere else to go, and this shit never ends. It got so mentally bad that I had to call the suicide crisis line. Ergh. Don't even know why I'm posting. Just hang in there, people. Things can get bad. Things can get worse. But you have YOU. Don't lose that. Listen to some good tunes. Take some time to give yourself some self care. Everything will be alright! It will never be perfect, but it will be alright. Peace and Happy New Year to each and every one of you!

[Poison Ivy]

Oh no! Are you currently safe?

[Free2Bme]

oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. 

It is so hard to lose a support group, I've been through that. 

You are posting because you need support.  Ideally, we would all have real-time support systems, however many folks here  do not, including me. 

You will get through this.  We can rebuild support systems. 

Please take care and let us know how you are.

[xredshoesx]

i feel deeply for what is going on with you and your son- he would be 16-17 now and when i think of what kids are dealing with with the COVID isolation it breaks my heart thinking about all the possible situations that could have happened.

i am glad you reached out when you felt you needed that outside support.  one of the steps that eventually led me here was calling the RAINN hotline
https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

if there's nothing else i've learned here it's ok to admit you need some help.  i know in the older threads you were back in therapy and things were getting lifted slowly-  is that a resource that can help you rebuild your IRL support network?

Sorry for not being around much and supporting anyone else. I thought things were going good in my world, and thought I could mentally and emotionally relax a bit. I lost my closest support group, via my own personal failures. Ironically, on New Year's Eve, my son stabbed me with scissors. Been dealing with that. I swear, sometimes I feel like I have nowhere else to go, and this shit never ends. It got so mentally bad that I had to call the suicide crisis line. Ergh. Don't even know why I'm posting. Just hang in there, people. Things can get bad. Things can get worse. But you have YOU. Don't lose that. Listen to some good tunes. Take some time to give yourself some self care. Everything will be alright! It will never be perfect, but it will be alright. Peace and Happy New Year to each and every one of you!

[saveyourscissors]

Thank you to you all that have responded. I am safe. Still mentally processing. This has not been easy. My goodness. I really appreciate the support.

[saveyourscissors]

i feel deeply for what is going on with you and your son- he would be 16-17 now and when i think of what kids are dealing with with the COVID isolation it breaks my heart thinking about all the possible situations that could have happened.

i am glad you reached out when you felt you needed that outside support.  one of the steps that eventually led me here was calling the RAINN hotline
https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

if there's nothing else i've learned here it's ok to admit you need some help.  i know in the older threads you were back in therapy and things were getting lifted slowly-  is that a resource that can help you rebuild your IRL support network?

Just looping back around, and wanted to reply more specifically. xredshoesx, your post touched me very deeply, and I appreciate the support, and words of encouragement. I had to reach out to a suicide hotline about four times in the past week or so. It has been crazy. I get irrational thoughts, and it can feel very emasculating to be an abused man.

I pushed back my cardiology appointment by two weeks, because I didn't want to take my shirt off for the EKG and have them see my stab wound and all of my bruises, in addition to my black eye, and the burst vein in it. I don't know. It just would feel so embarrassing. Usually the people that do the EKG are gals about 10 years younger than me or so, and it's embarrassing enough to take my shirt off, because I'm not in perfect shape. I just didn't want to feel ashamed.

I did have a video appointment with my therapist today. I ALWAYS feel better after I talk with her. She has been my therapist for almost 10 years. She has been an amazing source of support, and she's given me her number so I can text her at any time if I am having really bad thoughts.

Thanks again for the support. I know this is fallout from the situation that I've been dealing with, and that my son has been dealing with. COVID certainly hasn't helped. Oy. Hopefully the rest of 2021 will be a bit more boring!

[saveyourscissors]

You will get through this.  We can rebuild support systems. 

Free2Bme. I needed to hear these two statements more than you can possibly realize. I can tend to run on the side of being a bit of an emotional dude, and this definitely got the waterworks going. In a good way, though. It's what I needed to hear!

[saveyourscissors]

Oh no! Are you currently safe?

I am safe. Thank you, Poison Ivy! I appreciate the support.

[saveyourscissors]

I feel like Rocky Balboa, with a swollen eye, and you all cheering me up the steps!