NPD H and NPD MIL

[Jesse7319]

My H is slight NPD and his mom is full NPD. My H is in and Out of the FOG, currently back in. I am NC w/MIL as she is just terrible. H and I both work from home therefore we don't leave the house much. We have a 16 month old son whom I want to have VLC w/MIL. Whenever I do leave the house, H almost always immediately jumps on FaceTime with his mom. It makes me not want to leave the house, or at least makes me want to take our son everywhere with me because I can't stand her being on FaceTime with him. I feel trapped. Any advice? H is on board with not leaving our son alone with MIL which isn't an issue because she lives states away but the FaceTiming anytime I leave bothers me too. It feels too secretive or something idk.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Do you know what it is you're afraid will happen, Jesse?

[Jesse7319]

Do you know what it is you're afraid will happen, Jesse?

Yeah, well she hates me because in her eyes I "took her son away" you know for loving and marrying him.... so I guess I'm afraid she will try to groom my child to take him away from me to get revenge.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

It sounds like MIL is totally untrustworthy and you feel your husband is a little, too, because of his enmeshment with her.

I find it hard to tease out what are the true dangers from my intrusive PD FOO, particularly around my stbG-Child,  and what is exaggerated in my mind due to my own PTSD from growing up with that stuff.  I have a few, trusted, level-headed friends I bounce things off.  But mostly I rely on working it out with my trauma T.   She's good at checking my less healthy impulses and validating my healthy ones.   She helps me see things I can't clarify myself.

Sometimes therapists will say "Don't leave your children alone with your spouse."  I had that happen when my kids were young.  But often they'll find a more nuanced approach. to suggest.