Hair again, OCPD control issue

[11JB68]

I've posted here before about uocpdh and his issues with hair. Not his own of course. Mine, ds23.
Updh gets to wear his hair exactly how he wants it. Short, cut by me, because why should he have to go to a barber?
One of the incidents that drew me here was when I got my hair cut short and Updh raged and lectured about it and basically forbade me from cutting it short again. Told me repeatedly that only lesbians and old ladies have hair like that.
Also ds prefers his hair a bit long. This has been a big issue with Updh also.
We've fought about it several times.
Well it's been covid so ds hair has grown quite long. Once a few months ago Updh asked if I could cut ds hair and I just said no.
Well last night he asked again. Repeatedly. In that way he has where he knows how to get you to answer yes. Yes I COULD cut it... He says'I'm making a request' well that means he's demanding really. I said I will not forcibly do it. I'll do it if he wants me to. Updh: well you should just tell him that he should.
This is a23 yo man. Yes he still lives at home. He graduated college, has a job in his field, is paying his student loans, is giving me money each week towards groceries, helps us around the house....
Ugh. I gave myself major anxiety this morning over this.
Asked ds and he said ok. So we'll see how this goes.
It still feels shitty to me.

[Wilderhearts]

I remember you posting about uOCPDh saying nasty things about your haircut.  The Robert Munsch book "Stephanie's Ponytail" comes to mind for me - a girl is getting teased about her hair at school and the repeated line in the book is "It's mmmyyyy ponytail and IIIIIIIIiiii like it!!!".

Some other posters suggested using the language of preference when I was dealing with my uOCPD neighbour, who felt entitled to walk into our backyard and talk to me through the open back door.  It's hard for anyone to argue with a preference - it is what it is.

I've also experience pwOCPD reframing their abusive behaviours as "requests."  It's gaslighting.  It's coercion and bullying, not a request. 

It sounds like he's ramming up against your boundaries to wear you down, but he can't make you do anything.  I wonder what non-JADEing responses/boundaries/consequences you could use?  E.g., I'v already responded to your "request" and my answer was no.  My answer isn't changing, and if you can't respect that I'll have to stop cutting your hair too!