Childish behavior for attention

[tragedy or hope]

So, this is cyclical.

When my unpdh does get enough attention from others or he is bored, he starts to become covertly forceful attempting to get my attention. He does this by stopping me as I am walking through the house, by getting in front of me, and asking for a kiss. If I try to get around him, he stops me. If I say I am not in the same place he is in, he will shame me for not being willing to have some fun, or tell me that I am a killjoy or some other stupid accusatory comment. Often he will keep at it for several minutes until I am completely disgusted with the whole thing and tell him he needs to let me by.

I will say, I am not in the mood, I am in the middle of something, I don't want to play at the moment or whatever to get out of it. The whole purpose is to control me.

When he is in this vein, he will force a more profound kiss on me in the morning as he gets my coffee with lots of drama around the fact he is getting it for me. He will linger and try to get some kind of rise out of me for it. Especially if I have a book, phone or something in my hand. He sees I am doing something when he decides to bring it. His choice.

He goes in cycles with this. Sometimes he seems normal.

Has anyone found a way to deal with this other than what I have done? I will even say to him, when he comes after me to stop me in my tracks...  "you must be bored, or there isn't anything on TV... for you to stop me like this."  He will make up some excuse then say something dismissive to me. I really don't care at that point. I want to get him away from me. Then the next hour or sometimes evening is full of tension as he is getting even.

This behavior I see as very insincere and meant to get me to give him attention I am not willing to give at his behest and will. He does not know how to share a feeling or express that he wants to spend time with me. NEVER. Especially when his whole premise is to interrupt me, what I am doing, and to try to make me put my life aside for his childish need for attention. ugh.

[SparkStillLit]

I'm just here to commiserate, as updh does some very similar behaviors. If I dodge or avoid, he gets into a mini (or not so mini) rage and says nasty things and storms off.
I do not know how to avoid it, either. I am also always otherwise occupied. It's not normally a romantic or playful move. Only very very VERY occasionally. Mostly it's a possessive entrapping sort of thing. I'm usually busy in the kitchen- it's galley shaped, so where better to trap me- and I'm whirling from stove to sink or zipping between fridge and pantry (it's not super small), and BAM! One of these days he's gonna get it with a hot pan or a hot spatula or....I dunno....next, on SNAPPED!

[bloomie]

I have a DH who can be extremely attention seeking and who also seems to time it when I am absorbed with something else that is a priority to me.

This is a boundary issue for me and my core value is that sharing space with my intimate partner does not mean he has access to me, my attention, my energy, my resources 24/7.

Years ago, somewhere here, I even posted about my H being everywhere but no where... he was often in my physical path or suddenly needing affection, but in terms of actual intimate relationship was nowhere to be seen, if that makes any sense?

So, setting agreements in place around actual scenarios and situations and following through on consequences are what has lessened this behavior. And... yep, it was uncomfortable to have to set boundaries on what is usually a easy give and take between partners who have lived together for years, but he literally stepped on the back of my shoe pulling it off my foot because he was suddenly following me so closely, one too many times. 

I found that giving any oxygen to the behavior beyond setting the initial agreements would set us back. So a firm..."Not now!" "Out of the kitchen!" and then moving on with what I am doing, a locked door, leaving the room without JADE when pouting, consistently every single time is what helped.

It is uncomfortable to have to redirect a grown adult's behaviors that are insensitive and intrusive. I SO get that, however my own H has some serious fleas and has really poor ability to 'read the room' and my soft and loving ways only fueled the fire. I have had to be firm to regain appropriate space around myself in my own home.

[tragedy or hope]

Wow Bloomie! Thank you. Wisdom there. Reminds me of a scripture... where there are many words transgression follows but "she" (quotes and gender change mine) who guards "her" lips is wise. Love your direct few words. Will use this.

[SeaBreeze]

uNPDh does the same, usually when I'm busy. Sometimes when I am doing a task I cannot escape from (such as while I am standing at the stove frying food in hot grease, which I have warned him, repeatedly, is a safety hazard.)

Other times it is while I'm doing something I enjoy, like reading (such as my morning Bible study.)!As a teen, I had a cat that would stretch itself out on top of books, magazines, or comics if they were open on my bed. It was cute when my cat did it for attention. It was cute (and necessary) when my children were active, curious toddlers needing my undivided attention. It's NOT cute but creepy when I'm reading and suddenly my middle age husband is *literally* in my face. Ugh.

Agree with other's comments that boundaries help...to an extent. Physical absence honestly is my best strategy at this point.