posting and responding

[tragedy or hope]

Since I joined this website I have found that coming back everyday to post or respond has had great affect on my responses to my unpdh. Reading posts, contributing, looking for tools, reading recommended websites and related books has really changed much of my perspective.

Most important, it has contributed to my growth. I feel better. I use the tools. When I share I am reminded of someone hurting or being hurt and it makes me think of my own solutions and situations.

IMO it is really important to come Out of the FOG and share. Pick a name, stay anonymous. Your stories are very helpful, regardless of their seeming uniqueness at the time.

We all have a common thread even though the circumstances seem like night and day.

Thank you faithful posters for sharing! 

[GettingOOTF]

Thank you for posting this. I agree. This was the first website I actively joined and it's the only place I have told my story. I say things here I'm not ready to say out loud in therapy. 

I got so much strength and information from other women in my situation. I post a lot here because I want other women to see what kind of life is possible, so see that it doesn't come easily to everyone and that it's normal to struggle and take steps back.

There are few things more valuable to us and others than honestly telling our story.

Having somewhere to share what I have learned and somewhere to safely admit my faults and issues has been invaluable to me. I have grown so much through all your stories and through telling my own. In my "real life" I often think of people where when I'm in a tough situation. I have taken so much from here that I sue every day.

You never know the impact your words are having on others. Even if you are at your lowest and feel you have nothing to say you have so much to contribute. It's so vitally important for others to know they are not alone.

[GettingOOTF]

To add, this is a great place to practice telling your story. We are taught to feel so much shame around ourselves and abuse in general. The way to break this shame is to speak out and this is a safe and supportive place to do that.

[Boat Babe]

Nice perspective Out of the FOG.

[Free2Bme]

Agreed. 
I have only shared my story here as well,  very grateful for this place and all of you.  I'm certainly more transparent here than in T.  Although I value individual CBT, I have experienced much more understanding and growth on this site.  I feel that all of the good we can offer one another here offsets the destruction caused by disordered people.

I get frustrated with T sometimes, feels like moving in slow-mo towards the goal.  Not sure if it's me or the T.
I also still get stuck feeling like I am not believed or have to 'prove' the validity of what I tell T about what I experienced.  It's probably stemming from all the gaslighting and BS from my updxh/aspdxh.  Ugh.

I am still very isolated; no family & few friends- they don't get it.  I long for in person friends that I feel safe to share within.  This can be really depressing at times.

Thank you tragedy or hope for the thread 

[Dodo]

I too have found this site a life saver, I was frustrated trying to figure this man out and when I found this site.  I have learned so much here and have looked at my udpdp in a different way.  As annoying and hurtful as it is to realize someone is the way they are and try as you may to change them or wish things were different, well maybe the problem is you for not accepting them the way they are.  I have come a long way since the fights and jabs, tears and fears.  I know now that it is really up to me to pull the plug on the relationship or stay and make it work, I know in the long run it will never work because he is just not going to give me what I want but for now it is OK and somehow this has given me a little peace, so thank you for this form and the freedom to tell my story without judgement but just a different perspective and experience with a lot of the same problems and frustrations.

[losingmyself]

Thank you for this thread. It is so true, I have not opened up to anyone about my situation, and how do I even do that? But I will figure it out eventually.
Finding all of the support and understanding here has been a life changer, I know  that I can only change me, and my reactions. My life has changed because of this forum and the toolbox, and the links.
Knowledge is power.
I only wish I would have found you all sooner.
I pray for all of us every day, and give thanks that we can share our stories.

[ToAudrey]

Thank you Tragedy or Hope for posting this.

I've been away for a while and have seen the difference it makes.

At first it was because work was so busy and then I had trouble getting to my account. Just now getting back and catching up a bit. I notice the difference in that during these weeks not connecting here the feeling of isolation increased even while still uses the tools as best I can. I'm feeling a lot of appreciation for the space here!

[HollyG]

Wonderful post and I agree wholeheartedly. The tools are helping me, too. Plus, reading others stories helps me to break the cognitive dissonance!

[lakersgirl248]

this is so true. I only joined but I have already felt like this is a very close-knighted community that kind of looks out for each other and gives people support when they are not capable of finding it outside