weird attraction for the place of the trauma

[gj438]

Hello !
I had this unhealthy relationship with a uNPD coworker during an internship a while ago. And now, I live in the same city but I am doing something different, and therefore I don't need to go to the place where I did my internship. Still, sometimes I am weirdly attracted to this place. I have to go as near as possible and when I can't stand it anymore because I am too scared of seeing him, I run away, but I am still attracted to the place and want to go back. To be honest, I only have this attraction when he might be there.  Yet I dread seeing him, I absolutely don't want that because I have decided to go NC. I know and feel nothing good could come of an encounter with him.

Has anyone experienced this weird attraction to the place where trauma took place/where the PD person might be ? Where might it come from, and what could it mean? I find this mix of fear and stress and attraction very weird and am puzzled.

PS. Today I had to go to this place, for an external reason this time, because I'll have a meeting there soon and needed to prepare. It was the first time I entered the building itself since the internship. It went well, although I was scared, and I'm proud of it.

[Penny Lane]

Trauma and grief are complicated feelings, and they strike in complicated ways that don't make sense on the surface.

I wonder if this attraction is your body's way of telling you something? Do you feel like you need to "go back there" mentally to better process what happened?

If you don't have a therapist I highly recommend one. Not to make you stop wanting to go there, per se, but more like to explore the feelings that are causing this desire and see if there is some healing you need to do.