I’m unraveling inside, need advice

[HollyG]

My husband, as I've mentioned in previously posts, agreed to go to anger management. I don't think that is the right course for him because there are a lot bigger issues at play here. I also think all it's doing Is teaching him how to suppress his raging.
My husband is involved in some things that I suspect are illegal and has been lying to me continuously about it.
We have an 18 month old daughter and I don't want to take her from him but I don't want her subjected to this nor do I want her seeing it. He's become hateful and conspiracy theory obsessed, weapons obsessed etc. I don't feel he would ever hurt us in that way. My fear is him getting in trouble for something dumb and we suffer for it.
I feel incredibly guilty that I've been considering going to the police. I act like everything is fine. I act like I don't suspect anything. But I just don't know what to do. I feel I have no decision making capability anymore and I'm going mad. Like I can't trust my own mind. He swore he was done w all of this crap but I've found evidence to the contrary. I'm trying to stay calm and rational and not make any sudden moves without thinking.
What's worse is I opened up to my therapist about it and he acted like I should "be his source of calm". And "lovingly suggest some options for self help". Hello?!?! I'm talking about a person who is becoming extreme in his beliefs and that's your advice?!
Do I even bring this up to husband? Do I report suspicions? Do I walk away and just say it's over? Or do I try and watchfully wait in case I'm overreacting?
Thank you all.

[Boat Babe]

Hello Holly.

Imagine your sister or your best friend in your current situation.

She is asking you the question you are asking us.

What is your answer to her? What would you tell her?

Imo, you are with an unstable and possibly dangerous man. From a UK perspective, the thought of a PD person having a gun terrifies me. You say that you can't trust your own mind, which means you have been gaslit to hell and back. He is lying to you, all the time.

Your therapist hasn't got a clue, really. Get another one if at all possible.

Personally, I would have an emergency exit strategy up my sleeve. A safe place to run to, as much money as you can squirrel away and a grab bag with essentials for you and baby.

Also, I would record every instance if "crazy" for future custody battles.

Use the tools here to keep yourself sane and safe and to avoid triggering your husband as you negotiate this scary time. Keep all plans utterly secret.

Lots of people here have got your back and there are DV agencies near you I am sure. Please stay in touch with us.

I am sending hugs and courage. ❤️❤️❤️

[HollyG]

Thank you for your advice and support. I've been using the tools here and acting very calm, normal and life as usual. I'm making plans, have shared my situation w trusted ppl, and am collecting evidence in case I need it.
I'm watching closely and am looking at actions— not words. Thank you again

[lakersgirl248]

I really hope you will get better soon!