Power play?

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SnugglyHedgehog

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Power play?
« on: October 11, 2020, 07:08:05 PM »
I thought it was best to post this here rather than in the no contact area.

I had been NC for 2 years with my mum. She showed up at the door again a couple of weeks back and my OH and I agreed I was going to have to say something or she isn't ever going to leave us alone.

Because we decided I needed to say something, I felt like I was aswell asking for my child's things back that we can't replace.

This resulted in her bombarding me with messages, asking about our relationship, etc. She also brought up the fact that she is named on my house and she asked me to look at transferring this to my OH.

I messaged her again to tell her we had a form to sign to get the process started. It took her 4 days to reply and when she did she basically said drop it off and I will take a look.

So im confused....she literally asked me to do this and because I've actually taken action her reply seems strange.

Any thoughts please? Was this a power play? What reaction was she expecting from me?

Its made me more nervous now because given it was at her request I thought she would cooperate.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2020, 10:16:05 AM »
Often in such a moce / Hoover a PD is expecting a scared little girl to respond along the lines of "please mommy no don't reject and leave me" and when we are instead all for it they'll use it as a passive aggressive power maneuver. Is there any way you can move forward without her approval or signing the form? I'm not familiar with the back story on this so I'm sorry if the question is off.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
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Bloomie

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2020, 12:38:24 PM »
SnugglyHedgehog - I have found that legal/financial ties and investments can make for a very prolonged opportunity for access and contact with a determined boundary buster.

Dragging feet to sign and return needed documents, even when severing ties was requested, is just one of the ploys to stay in the game we have experienced.

I have never, ever, never ever,  :bigwink: experienced a cooperative PD person when the outcome does not benefit them in the way they want to be benefitted.

I can be standing on the outside looking in scratching my head..."but, they asked for me to do this so why the delay?" and I will never understand their chess moves. 

I hope you can do this without her, but my guess is you can't. She seems to have picked the one thing that would REQUIRE contact and back and forth for a reason.

Unless there is a neutral 3rd party.. like a title company (?) or attorney you can get involved, I guess let it sit in her court! She sent the ball over the net... you respectfully did as she asked and returned it. Now it is on her. Good luck with this one and hang tight! Let us know how you are doing!

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SnugglyHedgehog

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2020, 09:42:03 AM »
Thanks for the replies.

It just threw me a little and confused me. But guess I shouldn't be surprised at reactions at this point! If contact is what she was after she hasn't even been replying (although I'm sure that will come)  :stars:

Giving her some fresh moaning material about what a terrible child i am though I guess. How could I possibly do this to her  :doh:

The bad news...I can't do this without her. Her name is literally listed as an owner on my house...

My OH dropped a form off and I have told her exactly what she needs to send back. I included a stamped, prewritten envelope so all she needs to do is sign the form and include a letter and put it in a post box. Im not assuming that's going to be seen as a small ask though. I also messaged to say we had put it through the door so no excuses could be made.

The good news...if I can just get this form and permission letter back from her, the solicitor does the rest. So this is the only time I need to be the one doing it.

Wish me luck, I'm likely going to need it! I'm just waiting on the emotional blackmail starting really.

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Bloomie

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2020, 03:02:33 PM »
Wishing you all of the luck as you move through making this important step final!

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Fiasco

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2020, 05:46:30 PM »
Please make sure you save and print emails, screenshot texts, etc with her. Especially the one where she advised you to take her name off. Any expression of agreement with this idea could be valuable to you. Good luck!

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2020, 07:48:32 AM »
Sending wishes for success!
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
my Empowered Growth blog

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SnugglyHedgehog

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2020, 11:39:22 AM »
Thank you everyone!

And good idea Fiasco!

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SnugglyHedgehog

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2020, 03:48:41 PM »
I have good news!

I messaged her again and asked her to please return them to us as we have a deadline for documents.

She posted what we needed through my door yesterday. (Thankfully didn't come to the door!)

We just need to hope that the rest is smooth sailing. I shouldn't have to contact her directly again, the solicitor does the rest.

This felt like my final hurdle. Feel like a massive weight has been lifted.

Once this goes through I may send her a last message and say what I need to say. It will fall on deaf ears but it would be for me, not her.

Thank you for your replies and support  :bighug:

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FromTheSwamp

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2020, 04:05:35 PM »
Yay!

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Bloomie

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2020, 07:23:40 PM »
This is a good update! :chickendance:

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Fiasco

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2020, 12:46:57 AM »
Wow! Hope it all goes smoothly and quickly 😊

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SnugglyHedgehog

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2021, 12:07:32 PM »
I know this is an old thread...but I wanted to come back and update after the support I had with this.

I'M FREE!!!

It was not smooth sailing and a lot has happened inbetween (will make a new post shortly) but I now have no strings or legal ties attached, nothing to hold over me or control me with.

It has taken a long time. But I did it!

 :woot:

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Fiasco

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Re: Power play?
« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2021, 06:39:14 PM »
I love good news. Hooray!!