Still thinks they've got a say in my life....

[p123]

Never ceases to amaze me. I'm in my 50s, got my own kids yet my 86 year old Dad STILL think I need to listen to his advice....

And hes clueless. No idea how the world works. And he really is the most tight fisted person I've ever met in my life....

I mentioned on the phone my 7 year daugher was having horse riding lessons. He spent 10 mins lecturing me on how I let my kids do too much etc. Jeez -ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Please tell me I'm not the only one!

[Boat Babe]

You are not the only one!

They are crazy making in the extreme and have no self awareness whatsoever. My mother comes out with all sorts of crap still. She's 88 and I'm 63.  Her life has been a tragedy of missed opportunities, bad choices and willful blindness. I was lucky to survive and eventually thrive. She still gives me crap advice!

Deep breath my friend, do some self compassion work and move on with your one precious, unique life. 😁

[lightworld]

 Oh yes. My NF said "You'll take those kids [you mean your grandchildren] anywhere but you never take me out"   

[Boat Babe]

Oh yes. My NF said "You'll take those kids [you mean your grandchildren] anywhere but you never take me out" 

That is one bitter man. How tragic.  Enjoy life with those kids of yours.

[Sneezy]

You are not alone. My DD graduated from college a few years ago, and my MIL still tells us we sent her to the *wrong* college. My mom is the same. She recently called my brother and chastised him for not getting his children baptized. She insisted that he remedy the situation at once and set up a baptism for his kids. Who, by the way, are all adults. Not sure exactly how that would work. I've never met a minister who would forcibly baptize an adult because his parents dragged him in.  They just don't get it, do they?

[Deb2]

Oh, my, he sounds like my 72 year old BIL! He knows better than anyone what other people should do!    He makes me crazy. I'm 68 and he thinks he lnows what I  should be doing with my life.     I'm sorry for you.  Your dad will never change.

[p123]

Oh yes. My NF said "You'll take those kids [you mean your grandchildren] anywhere but you never take me out" 

Yep I've had that many times. I'm now careful too where I admit I've been.
I call it the "10 mile exclusion zone". Never admit to being within 10 miles or he expects me to visit regardless of what I'm doing...

[p123]

Oh, my, he sounds like my 72 year old BIL! He knows better than anyone what other people should do!    He makes me crazy. I'm 68 and he thinks he lnows what I  should be doing with my life.     I'm sorry for you.  Your dad will never change.

Part of it with Dad is he is the most tight-fisted person you could ever meet. He knows it costs money too.
A year or so ago I had two holidays in one year - he actually said I was "stupid" and "selfish" for spending money like water. I just sat there open mouthed.

As well, hes got no clue how much things cost. He asked me about summer camp childcare once - how much it cost. £35 (about $43).

Not particularly cheap but my daugher loves it. And to go to work the kids have to go somewhere....
So Dad says "£35 a week is OK". "No Dad its per day".

As if someone would look after your kids, albeit in a group, for £1 an hour. Lives on his own planet....

[Sadhubby]

Wow they really all live in their own world, don't they?

My mum texted me to help me prepare for a technical job interview less than 2 days before it. I had been preparing for 2 months.  I had childcare, a program of last minute prep, and the need to rest, so I forgot to text back. After the interview i got a 3 page (A4) essay on WhatsApp about how arrogant and rude I am, how unbearable my wife is, and how my explosive and ignorant personality is the cause of her unhappiness. 

My mum has subject matter experience that may have been useful for my interview, but the interview was open ended on the topic of ALL OF STATISTICS, so it isn't likely that she could have helped given the short notice.

To be fair, I'm lucky the torrent of abuse came after my interview. That was uncharacteristically restrained.

Moreover, she acuses me of having anger outbursts. What she refers to are my reactions to her saying something shocking, untrue and horrible. If I tell her to stop she just intensifies. If I lose my temper she says that I have uncontrollable anger. This is from the person that would vulgarly scream at my dad or at me at the top of her voice for whatever reason since I can remember...

I don't fall into the trap anymore. Don't give your parents any excuses to gaslight you! Minimal details, maximum dignity, and disconnect as soon as they start off on their little rants...

[Call Me Cordelia]

Oh yes. My NF said "You'll take those kids [you mean your grandchildren] anywhere but you never take me out" 

Yep I've had that many times. I'm now careful too where I admit I've been.
I call it the "10 mile exclusion zone". Never admit to being within 10 miles or he expects me to visit regardless of what I'm doing...

Holy parentification, Batman! They are putting themselves in the position of your children! And assigning you responsibility for them that you in reality have for your children. And then to really put the icing on the cake, they resent your parenting your children! They would steal their grandchildren's father from them if you would only go along with it. They consider themselves more entitled to your parenting than your own kids are. They do not care about their grandkids at all. "Those kids" are the competition!

[p123]

Wow they really all live in their own world, don't they?

My mum texted me to help me prepare for a technical job interview less than 2 days before it. I had been preparing for 2 months.  I had childcare, a program of last minute prep, and the need to rest, so I forgot to text back. After the interview i got a 3 page (A4) essay on WhatsApp about how arrogant and rude I am, how unbearable my wife is, and how my explosive and ignorant personality is the cause of her unhappiness. 

My mum has subject matter experience that may have been useful for my interview, but the interview was open ended on the topic of ALL OF STATISTICS, so it isn't likely that she could have helped given the short notice.

To be fair, I'm lucky the torrent of abuse came after my interview. That was uncharacteristically restrained.

Moreover, she acuses me of having anger outbursts. What she refers to are my reactions to her saying something shocking, untrue and horrible. If I tell her to stop she just intensifies. If I lose my temper she says that I have uncontrollable anger. This is from the person that would vulgarly scream at my dad or at me at the top of her voice for whatever reason since I can remember...

I don't fall into the trap anymore. Don't give your parents any excuses to gaslight you! Minimal details, maximum dignity, and disconnect as soon as they start off on their little rants...

Wow thats just mad...

[lightworld]

Holy parentification, Batman! They are putting themselves in the position of your children! And assigning you responsibility for them that you in reality have for your children. And then to really put the icing on the cake, they resent your parenting your children! They would steal their grandchildren's father from them if you would only go along with it. They consider themselves more entitled to your parenting than your own kids are. They do not care about their grandkids at all. "Those kids" are the competition!

Oh yes you are so right CMC. This was years ago when my kids were young, throughout their childhood he always resented them and I never understood. His 'advice' basically always boils down to "put me first".

[p123]

Oh yes. My NF said "You'll take those kids [you mean your grandchildren] anywhere but you never take me out" 

Yep I've had that many times. I'm now careful too where I admit I've been.
I call it the "10 mile exclusion zone". Never admit to being within 10 miles or he expects me to visit regardless of what I'm doing...

Holy parentification, Batman! They are putting themselves in the position of your children! And assigning you responsibility for them that you in reality have for your children. And then to really put the icing on the cake, they resent your parenting your children! They would steal their grandchildren's father from them if you would only go along with it. They consider themselves more entitled to your parenting than your own kids are. They do not care about their grandkids at all. "Those kids" are the competition!

Definitely. He went nuts when we told him we were having another baby (shes 7 now but I'm 52 now so quite old). Some really innappropriate comments at the time....
I realise now it was jealousy. Something else to take my attention away from him.

He often doesn't remember my daughters name - calls her "your little girl". Wow.... And no hes got no dementia.
Not seen my kids for over 9 months now and hes not once mentioned he'd like to see them.