funeral speech

[Jolie40]

mentioned in a post that a lot went on this past year
this is only one of many changes with FOO

one parent passed on (one who enabled PD parent)
husband, child, & I watched funeral virtually due to virus
husband recorded so I could watch again later

being SG growing up, shocked to hear GC speech about parent
GC painted a perfect childhood & at end actually compared parent to Jesus

listened to GC's speech several times over couple weeks until it didn't affect me anymore
realize that children in the same family get raised differently plus only I was SG

I've forgiven parents no. of yrs ago but listening to speech was tough

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Sorry about the passing of this parent. I just posted similar about a funeral speech for a family friend last weekend. It was difficult to hear and I was not even in the family, but could not help but contrast the "supportive, close, loving family" to the one I have.   
 
I do not know if these speeches reflect reality.  I wonder if it is just what this family wants others to think and the narrative they pushed their whole lives now comes to the show's grand finale. Real or imagined, it is hard to listen to. Someone who responded to my thread said they attended a funeral where the minister mentioned that the one who passed was not perfect and did actually have flaws, etc. I think for the majority of us that reflects what we can relate to.
     
I agree children in the same family are raised differently and have entirely different perspectives. Especially for us scapegoats as our perspective mostly stands alone. I am glad you mention that you have forgiven because it allows you to move on which is a very healing step. Trust your instincts. Your value in this life is way larger than this. 

[xredshoesx]

it's hard because when you are hearing it at a funeral it's literally hearing history being rewritten, and to just not be able to speak up/ speak out because of the setting makes it even harder. 

you are 100%-  the lens we view parents through (and how they view us) does change based on birth order, gender, and status (SG/ GC).    i'm glad you were able to get some closure/ clarity from watching the services and think death won't be the end of my mother's voice in my head- so i appreciate your perspective on this.

[Jolie40]

 thank you blueberry pancakes & xredshoesx for your replies/perspectives

glad we were able to be @ home/watch virtually
would not have been able to handle listening to speech in person


grateful that husband and I are parents to an only child
would never want to play favorites with children on purpose or accidently

[JenniferSmith]

In the past few years, I've started visualizing myself standing up at enfather's funeral and speaking honestly about my experiences with him.  It will definitely be very different than the version his second family has of him, but I don't know any of them, so I won't be bound by social pressure.  I wouldn't be rude or crass. I can just state factual things he has said and done, and it will probably shock the hell out of those people.  Its fun to think about sometimes! 

[Maxtrem]

I understand that this must have been difficult for you! However, as a GC, he may only have given the speech that was expected of him. He may not even mean it.

My cousin who was the GC of my NarcUncle had published a text on social networks following the death of her father. She said that he was her role model! Although she loved her father I have no doubt, it is obvious that she lied to make her father look good. In fact he was an alcoholic, a compulsive gambler, he lied as he breathed, he had stolen a lot of money from relatives... It's impossible that she could see him as a role model!

[inHistime]

YES! It is a very upsetting feeling when someone, especially in the family, rewrites history. Much to my shock recently, my family member shared what a "rough" marriage I have had for all these years, good thing it is improving and at a better place now???! ummmmm wow news to me, silly me just enjoying my marriage all these years. Good thing they are narrating my life, for 17+ years and clued me in to how its gone. It's ludacris.