Creating a happy home

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

One of my goals is to create a happy home for myself, a safe, sacred space for me. My mother would continuously barge into my bedroom (multiple times a day) and I never had anywhere I could feel comfortable and safe.

I never had that growing up, and I realise I've kind of put aside normal wants and needs, continually denying myself all sorts of things.

Lately I've become tired of denying myself everything, being uncomfortable.

Anyway, so I'm starting my first baby steps towards this goal ☺️

[Jolie40]

good for you!
everyone needs that safe, private space to think & be themselves

our child put up "do not enter" sign on bedroom door just this past year, lol
it's scary to peek in there as it's messy but letting child have space/privacy

[treesgrowslowly]

Awesome Jollyjazz!

A home where happy isn't interrupted.

I've had to deal with too many people who just pull everyone off their center of gravity. "Oh you're happy about something? I'll say something really negative or neurotic." It's just automatic to them. As is their denial that they are doing it.

Happy for you - to see your home as a place where happy will be welcomed. That's a big part of our healing. 

Trees

[Mintstripes]

Hi Jolly,

I love this! I can relate. My parents rarely respected my privacy and often went through my things, barged in etc.

During the pandemic, I have been making changes in our apartment and making it feel a lot more like a proper home, doing some decorating, getting new furniture etc. I finally feel like a grown-up. As you may recall, when I was married to UnPDx, we barely had money and almost everything we did have was hand-me-down furniture and items from his religious community. Now I'm finally free to make my home the way I want it.

Enjoy your happy space.

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,
Thanks for your encouraging words and support!!! 😌 I means a lot.

I'm going to start just by identifying what I like, going through pinterest (lol, I know that lots of those places are out if reach, but there are some good ideas!)

I just want to get used to the idea of a sanctuary. I have to reassure myself that I can keep myself safe there, that my bedroom is my own, that my bed/space is my own. I won't be attacked. I can keep my address secret and I also have the option to call the police if my abusers show up.

[JollyJazz]

Hi Jolie40,

our child put up "do not enter" sign on bedroom door just this past year, lol
it's scary to peek in there as it's messy but letting child have space/privacy

Yay!!! Good on you for respecting your child's sanctuary! I think that's so so awesome 😎 I think having your own space has a deep psychological benefit. It gives this sense of autonomy and control of your life.

I never had that growing up. My mother had a bizzare obsession with barging into my room multiple times a day. It persisted throughout my 20's and into my 30's where she'd randomly turn up at my flat (I moved so many times to avoid her) and several times at my place of work*. I just felt so helpless and like I could never have my own space that I could control, like I could never have peace, privacy.

*this is sad, but at my current work there is security and a number of security screening procedures which I find very reassuring.

Treesgrowslowly,

Happy for you - to see your home as a place where happy will be welcomed. That's a big part of our healing

Thank you!! Yes, happiness and home aren't really things I connected before. Home didn't feel safe or happy. Happiness was escape / not being at home. It's taken me a long time, but I finally feel able to create a safe nest.

Mintstripes-

Thanks for your kind words! 😌

It's so great to hear that you are doing well and are creating a homely space! It's a wonderful feeling to take control of things and have a special space to take ownership of!!! ☺️

[notrightinthehead]

You are on a good path!
I am still grateful that I have a safe home - have been grateful for that for a few years now, and still, I remember feeling unsafe at home for so many years and when I compare it to now - I come home and feel secure, relaxed, comfortable - I am grateful and I feel happy  I can enjoy a safe space now.
I wish that you will get there soon too.