Feeling sad and sentimental

[HollyG]

Hi all, need some support here. After my post yesterday the reality is setting in that this could be over. I'm very tearful & sad because of our baby... leaving him means separating our family & I didn't ever want that. The good times and our wedding and all of the stuff I love about him are on my mind. I'm trying to just ride this out and see where it takes me but it's killing me.
He said some very hurtful and untrue things about me to his parents. I think this is the "devalue" stage. It hurt me a lot. I know that alone should remind me but all I can think about is the broken home that's going to happen and how I'll never be able to forget this. I'm scared I'll regret it. Just looking for some support or similar experiences. Thank you.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I'm so sorry, Holly.   I'm older than you, with kids who are grown, but I've been through it, more than once. 

When we marry and decide to have a family, we are filled with hopes and dreams for our future together.   Those dreams do not give way easily.   

Your heart carried a hoped-for future for your baby that brings such sadness to let go of.  That grief is real, but it is your grief, not your baby's.   Babies usually adjust quite well to these kinds of changes if they can be with their primary caretaker, who, I imagine, is you.

Do you have people around you who can give you support?  A therapist or friends?   

I think the fear of regret is quite normal, even in terribly abusive marriages.   Maybe especially then because of the trauma bond.   I made myself wait a certain amount of time before I would let myself even consider undoing the separation.  That saved me from acting on the impulse to take it all back, which was there frequently early on.

Of course, I can't say how you'll feel down the road.  I can only say that, while I sometimes still grieve and feel sentimental over the PDex I left last year, I do not regret it or my earlier divorce.    As far as my kids, if anything I think it would have been better if I'd done it earlier.   Living in a family affected by a PD is really hard, for a spouse or a child.

Whatever you decide, Holly, keep posting.  We want to support you.   You are not alone.