Priorities!

[Samuel S.]

Now that all the medical tests have been performed, it's a question of me waiting to meet the urologist and the gastroenterologist to analyze the results and to make the possible, more than likely probable, treatment plans, such as surgery and possibly chemo. I don't know for certain, and the uncertainty doesn't help me at all.

Meantime, my wife is in denial, downplaying all of this. So, I don't even share how I feel, because she will just put it down, anyway. I however have told her about my appointments. The urologist appointment is this Monday.

I understand the major bond between parent and child which is so critical for all of us. At the same time, my wife knows about my appointments next week. Yet, she and her daughter made arrangements to go hiking along the coast this next weekend, and my wife is spending overnight at her daughter's apartment Monday and returning home on Tuesday. Again, my urologist appointment is this Monday while she is having fun with her daughter. Again, I understand the importance of them being together, although of all times, she is choosing to do that instead of coming with me.

As for my gastroenterologist appointment, in all likelihood, she probably will just be working.

She tends to avoid anything medical as far as I am concerned, or she downplays it all.

You might say I should have a close friend come with me. Well, with COVID-19 and with this being so personal, I prefer not to impose. As for my daughters, one lives out of the country, and one lives in another state.

Bottom line, I am going to these appointments by myself and listen and make my own decisions.

Nevertheless, it sure would be nice to have her support, but I can't change her.

[1footouttadefog]

It was Monday, today, my thoughts are with you.

[Samuel S.]

Thank, 1foot!

I had my urology appointment yesterday to review my lab work, and he did some tests of his own on me. He found a nodule (tumor). So, he is going to do some biopsies on me in a couple of weeks. Everything is looking like it is prostate cancer which seems to be the standard for guys my age.

I have my gastroenterologist appointment on Thursday to discuss the results of some tests that were performed on me a couple of weeks ago along with the biopsies that were done then.

So, I have been under a lot of stress, and the thing that calms me down the most is teaching and tutoring to distract myself from what's going on and to make a difference with others.

Meantime, my wife returned from her 2 day vacation with her daughter and seems to be interested in what the doctors are saying. So, that's encouraging. It just seems to be that she only gets concerned about me, if I am sick. Otherwise, I am just "there".

[SparkStillLit]

Prayers and best wishes to you, too!!!!!

[Samuel S.]

Thank you for your replies and for your support! Considering what I am going through both physically and emotionally, you mean the world to me!

For my wife's work, she had to see our primary doctor yesterday, the first time in many years! She told me afterwards that she told him that she feels a lot of stress due to my current health conditions. I can understand that, and I said that I hope there's nothing majorly serious going on with me, but right now, with my weight loss and some of the blood work being not good, that I need to make some adjustments to what I am doing, namely in terms of teaching and tutoring. BTW, I hope to have more answers tomorrow when I meet the gastroenterologist to find out the results of the upper GI and the colonoscopy.

After saying that she felt stressed about me, she continued with how tiring she felt due to an 8 mile hike with her daughter during the weekend.

So, while I understand how all of my situation can stress her out, she has not once gone with me to any of my appointments. Perhaps, she can't stand the idea of what I am going through, and she is in denial. Perhaps, she doesn't want to be around anyone except for her work due to COVID-19. Well, we both practice social distancing, wear masks, wear gloves. When we return home, we immediately take off our clothes and put them in the wash, and we take a shower.

[Samuel S.]

Today is the day I meet with the gastroenterologist to discuss the results of the upper GI, the biopsies, the colonoscopy, and the removed polyp. Needless to say, I am scared and nervous, but I need to know. Due to the results of the blood work showing cancer being high in my blood and a high PSA, I tend to think that the cancer has spread from my prostate. I don't know for sure, of course, but the data seems to show this to be the case.

Last night, out of the blue, my PD wife asked if I would be okay going by myself to the doctor today, and I automatically said that I could manage it. I came to that conclusion due to how she has been about me and my medical conditions. After thinking about what she said, I asked her this morning if she would like to go with me to the doctor so that she could hear from the doctor herself. She said maybe, because she might have to work overtime. So, I said I would text her the doctor's address, and if she makes it there, fine. Then, she said I should be fine. Well, that's not a good medical evaluation, and I rely on my doctor's assessment much more than her "fine". Also, any time that there has been something that comes up that needs my attention related to her and to her family, I have been there ready, willing, able, and done. So, her "maybe" response just shows that she likes to make things questionable at best.

While it would be nice to have her there, she is so critical and undermines everything.

So, as you can see, I have a lot of mixed feelings, but if she does go to the doctor's office, I hope she will listen to the doctor and will be supportive of me, as I have been totally supportive of her through her highs and lows.

A side note: Today is the first time in many months that I am not teaching and not tutoring at all. So, I am just going to focus on myself which is very hard for me to do, because I am a giver.

I will let you know what happens. Meantime, thank you for caring and for supporting me!

[tommom]

Thanks for the updates, Samuel. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I'm glad you feel supported here, Samuel.  You're in my prayers.    I hope you get some clear answers today.

[Samuel S.]

Just prior to my appointment with the gastroenterologist, my wife called and said she would join me there which she did.

Bottom line, most of the tests were normal, althoughI have a pre-cancerous condition, inflammation, in my esophagus. So, he gave me some meds. He also referred me to an oncologist, because he still doesn't know why I lost weight. I also have a urology appointment a week from Monday to get some biopsies done. So, while all the current tests are normal, the weight loss is still an issue. 

My wife and I asked questions and everything was fine.

As soon as we got back, she began criticizing him and the subsequent tests he wants to perform. It really became annoying after a while. She said she nor the doctor could find out about the weight loss, but it would be just a matter of time before I would regain my weight, etc. So, it made me think that I should have gone to the appointment by myself. When she talks like that, I just let her talk, because if I refute anything she says, quiet time for a couple of days will be here.

So, bottom line, I am relieved about most of the results, but there are more tests that need to be done.

[SparkStillLit]

I am so glad this all came out to the good!

[Samuel S.]

Well, the honeymoon period is over again!

My wife has been under a lot of stress as of late due to working, studying, shopping, and cooking. I understand this is a lot, and I have suggested that I shop and cook, but she says because I am older, I should stay inside more often than not and that she doesn't like how I cook and clean. So, she complains.

Well, she brought it up to a new level due to being in a bad mood yesterday. When she got home after work and shopping, she said she has resolved a lot of her issues with the help of her "medium counselor". Later, she came into my room announcing that she had "a spark of her memory" about the times that I almost left her. Then, that progressed to saying how before I met her, that I created a lot of my own stress resulting in my high blood pressure. Then, that progressed to how she is not going to permit my eventual conditions becoming prevalent and eventual death, that I am not going to interfere with what she wants to do in her life. I just listened.

To even say anything back to her would just result in arguing and letting her have something else to complain about down the road.

Needless to say, such talk didn't do me very well, and it was hard for me to sleep.

This morning, she had her "medium counselor" meeting, and afterwards, she seemed to be okay just before leaving.

Well, thank you for letting me vent! If I were to have said anything like that to her, I would have hell to pay.

[1footouttadefog]

Bump,

Samuel was last active on Nov 19, 2020
Akd had health concerns at that time.

Wishing you well.

[Boat Babe]

Well spotted. Sending good vibes Samuel.

[Associate of Daniel]

Yes, Samuel.  Hope all is well. Please update us when you can.

AOD