New member—possible BPD coworker and sister

[CocoC]

Hello!
I've been following this forum for awhile but finally decided to reach out after feeling I'm hitting a breaking point with a coworker who reminds me a lot of my sister. I've been trying to resolve a conflict with my coworker so that the work we share is divided more fairly, but speaking up has led to several circular arguments with her that led nowhere and with no less grip of control over the work on her end. I participated in these circular arguments because I was so used to them because of my sister and didn't realize what was happening until I spent all summer worrying about it— how I was going to say it to actually be heard... I rehearsed and rehearsed what I'd say for months and every time, even in my own head, I could never "win". I'd always be in the wrong and just have to take it, whatever was dumped on me. I started to realize that that's a really unhealthy dynamic that I was so used to but that was taking a toll on me. I read on here about the medium chill technique which is what I think could really help, but I have definitely been in a learned helplessness mode the past two weeks. I feel so afraid that no one will believe me if I were to complain about my colleague's behavior; that this stuff will all be my fault no matter how untrue that is or how miserable I feel. That was what it was like growing up; my mom rarely stepped in or paid attention to the dynamic between me and my sister, and I feel like I'm reliving that now. I feel crippled by shame much of the time. It feels scary to think I'll never be heard and will be blamed instead, but I'm trying so hard to take care of my mental health and I want to be brave and try some new techniques that could pull me out of this fruitless cycle of communication. Thanks all for being here and sharing your experiences too.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! Seems like you have been reading around this site for a while. Have you checked out the "Friends.....Coworkers" tab? Sometimes you can find discussions about problems, similar to your own, with suggestions and ideas how others have tackled them.
Does your co-worker not pull her weight and dump her responsibilities on you? Or does she treat you badly? Your first step could be to document exactly what bothers you, time, date and facts. See you around on the boards.

[CocoC]

Thanks for the suggestion, I will check that out! Mostly she just treats me badly. She's a hard worker but very controlling even though we essentially share a job (she started working there before me). She's very negative and throws out digs if I speak up for myself when something seems unfair, or I say something isn't working for me and want to brainstorm changes. It is incredibly frustrating and draining my energy. So glad to have this forum!