Hormones

[TSIR]

My daughter is 24 now, has BPD and I've noticed she is worse as her period starts. I mentioned this to her, (definitely at the wrong time), got shouted at and haven't brought the subject up again. I've continued to note and there's a correlation.
Has anyone else noticed this, and if so, has your daughter tried anything to help?

[Penny Lane]

Hi, I don't have a good answer to the question you posed. But I think it would help if you reframe the issue and refocus on your boundaries.

Rather than asking what changes your daughter could make, I suggest you think about what behavior you can live with, and how to set reasonable boundaries around it. Focus on the behavior, not the cause. If she is behaving toward you in a way that you are not OK with, you are allowed to leave the room or the area, take a walk, otherwise distance yourself from the behavior.

I would also suggest (I am assuming your daughter is an adult or close to it) that trying to talk to her more about her menstrual cycle is not going to yield good results. This is a very personal issue and I just don't see that conversation going well.

But the good news is that you don't have to solve it for her! Your job is to tell her, with words and with actions, what behaviors you can live with and what is unacceptable to you, and enforce the consequences if/when she violates your boundary. She then gets to decide if she's going to change her behavior, or to continue to behave that way ... somewhere else, to someone else.

[Latchkey]

Hi TSIR,
I am just seeing this and sorry for a late response. I know that for some birth control pills have helped "even" moods out and a friend I know has a 23 yo daughter with BPD/Severe Depression that was prescribed them for this reason in addition to psychiatric treatments. However for some they can increase risk of depression so it is not something to suggest lightly. I don't know if your D is on them already, and if there is much you can suggest to your daughter but if you are tracking and aware then you can plan accordingly since you are detecting a pattern.
If you can avoid bringing up major issues on those days then it will likely be to your advantage as well.

Latchkey