Relating to so much of what people are saying on this form!!!

[Dodo]

I have been trying to figure out my partner for years (we have been together nearly 4 years) his behaviour is odd to say the least, I believe he is OCPD, some of his traits are;
- Late omg, always
- demanding of service people, or anyone for that matter that doesn't hop to it for him
- enmeshed relationship with his daughter that he thinks is normal
- so many phobias, about anything to do with travel or even just going out of his area or comfort zone
- belittling of others
- checking expiry dates on fridge items, like I am trying to poison him
- childish behaviours toward trying any new things in life
- dish it out but can't take it
I have mostly been on the Chosen Relationship form but find this form to be more informative and one I can relate to as a lot of the OCPD traits seem to apply to him and his behaviours
I want to carry on with my life without him but find when it comes to the break up I always chicken out as he has settled into domestic bliss but I want more, but with Covid I feel I am settling right now.  I also feel empty and sad when I think about being without him.... but I am not satisfied with him either and know when Covid is over I want to travel and basically do things that I know he will not do with me, so what to do, I know he won't change so I either accept him the way his is or move on, why is it so hard!

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I agree, Dodo, leaving is hard and so is being on the fence.  And it seems to be a pretty long process for many of us to get to the decision and then act on it.  Then adjusting to it being over and whatever they throw at us afterward is hard.  (That's where I am.)   

The great part of where I am now, compared to when I was trying to fix the relationship, is there's hope, lots of it,  that things will keep getting better for me.  There was no hope of that as long as I stayed with it.  I had beat that dead horse  of "What if we try this?" or "Maybe I can adjust to it if I just tweak that" long enough to finally give up .  You seem pretty tuned into yourself which will be really helpful for finding which side of the fence you end up wanting to land on.

I think my M has OCPD.   From your list:
Time - the world will end if she's not in control of the schedule, order of things, all planning, and timing.
Demanding  - her way or the highway.  Those people who have a different way of doing things are *w r o n g*
Enmeshing with her daughter (who is then expected to take care of her for the rest of her life)
No going out of the tiny comfort zone  (which includes anything she isn't in total control of).  Anxiety through the roof.
Expiry dates - Being a wet hoarder, it is imperative no one throw out bad food in her fridge, even if it's turned colors and is smelly.
Emotionally immature.

I'm no expert on OCPD, so I'm curious what others might say.

[Dodo]

Looking 2 B Free
Yes it really is all about being in control and when he thinks about doing anything (like going out of his comfort zone) he will be worried about not being in control and anxiety gets the best of him, this has been been happening his whole life.
His moral outrage about some things, expects everyone to have high standards as he believes he does but really he is just judgemental of others
His hypochondriasis is really bad, he was not like this when I met him and I did not notice it for well over a year
His daughter believes it her duty to take of her Dad, even though she is married with a stepdaughter and her Dad has a partner
I wonder if I can do this forever and that is my biggest worry, I want to come and go as I please when the virus is under control and a vaccine is available and I know he will never budge as this is the way he has lived his whole life.  He says "you go for your trips" but something always ruins it and it usually is him as he complains I don't keep in touch enough when I'm away or says "why would you want to go there or see them"?  Arrrrrrr
Yes I too am curious about other peoples experiences with OCPD partners or family members also!!!