The world needs to revolve around her while I have medical issues!

[Samuel S.]

The manipulation continues! Granted, we are currently living in a world that COVID-19 exists, and it has been sadly fatal for many people! We who decide to wear masks, social distance, wash our hands, are the ones who have a better chance of surviving. I have been doing all of that ever since it was even suggested to do so and will continue to do so.

Meantime, I have been having significant medical issues, all of which has required doctor appointments and testing. One test showed I had a benign polyp which was removed, and I won't need another colonoscopy for 10 years. One test showed that I have precancer in my throat for which I now take a med. Evidently, this is rather common, but I wouldn't have known about it unless I had an upper GI. It could have become cancer. I need to get another upper GI to next year. I have urology appointment, because the doctor found a nodule (a tumor). So, he is going to do some biopsies in a week. I also am supposed to see an oncologist to more than likely get a PET scan of my entire body. My symptoms are a 14% weight loss and fatigue. So, hopefully, not only will I get some answers, but also if needed some treatment. I don't know if it is cancer or not, but it is still scary, but I need to know.

With our horrible COVID-19 going on and with my medical conditions, my wife knows I have my medical appointments coming up. She came back from work saying I shouldn't go out unless it is a true emergency. Otherwise, all other medical appointments should be postponed until March. Then, she said it is my choice what I want to do, if I want to take the chance to do these medical appointments. I just let her talk. After she was done, I just said okay, and that was it. The rest of the evening, like a pouting child, she said nothing.

Meantime, this next weekend, the same woman who professes that I should stay inside like everybody else is driving some 90 miles away to be with her daughter. If I were to say that she is taking a risk by doing that, then, I would be given the silent treatment or put down, whatever her mood would be at the moment.

Meantime, I am going to keep my medical appointments, some of which will be telehealth, but the ones that are for biopsies and treatment, I am going to take care of in person. Of course, like so many other times, she is just concerned about the potential cost. She mentioned some time ago that the medical insurance for her, for her daughter, and especially for me went up $2,000 for the year. I promptly gave her $1,000. She also said: "your doctors LOVE you for all the business you give them." Again, I just let her talk.

Bottom line, she is more interested in how the medical insurance may go up, but I have taken care of that. Nevertheless, she told me in so many words, that it is expected that I am going to die due to my assorted medical conditions. She just wants to control and let myself disregard obvious things that need to be tested and to be resolved. Well, I am doing my best to remain healthy in many ways, but doctors do have answers.

She is just a very harsh, controlling person who truly doesn't have much respect for others, but she prefers all the attention to be on herself. After all, the world needs to resolve around her.

Thank you for letting me vent!

[1footouttadefog]

Needing to be the center of attention is a common trait is it not.

We were moving my mothers furniture this past weekend.  Some friends of mine came by with a flower arrangement and wished her blessings on her new home lication.  My sister and bro in law were there to help move furniture. We had not been together since t-day last year.   Pdh had to create scenes to bring attention to himself.   

I hope you know something from these tests soon. 

[GettingOOTF]

One of the reasons I left my ex was how he behaved when I was sick or needed support. As I got older I saw that he would not only not be there for me but he would make situations more stressful and upsetting.

I have had a few “scares” and some health issues since I left, including a surgery that left me pretty much immobile. Through every single one it’s hit me how grateful I am not to have to deal with my ex on top of everything else.

I’m sorry for what you are going through. One of the main reasons for being in a  relationship for me is support and companionship. Once I looked at my marriage honestly I saw that my ex offered neither.

Your wife has shown you who she is on multiple occasions. It’s desperately sad and unfortunate that this is who she is, but she won’t change.

I have a very good support system now. The other week a friend came to pick me up after surgery in the middle of a pandemic. There was no discussion, no drama. She walked me into my home, helped me to bed, made sure I had all my medications and then texted regularly to check in on me. This is someone I only met within the last year and she has done more for me and much more graciously than my ex ever did.

My ex actually kept me waiting after a surgery, then insisted I take him out to lunch and then screamed at me because I didn’t eat much food and threw up what I did. There is no situation in any universe where that is better than me being on my own.

[Samuel S.]

I met with the oncologist who reviewed all the medical tests I have had. He asked me a bunch of questions. After all was said and done, he determined that while he doesn't know why I lost 28 pounds in the last year and while he doesn't know why I am experiencing fatigue, it is his belief that I don't have cancer which is a relief! So, he gave me Megace to increase my appetite. So, I hope that works!

I have done some research online that having lost weight and being fatigued are signs of advanced prostate cancer. So, I am concerned about that. I do have some biopsies to be done by the urologist this Monday which will hopefully give a more definitive answer. So, I am stressed about all of this possibility, but I am relieved by what the oncologist said.

Meantime, my wife texted me wondering if I were going to get a PET scan, because she is always concerned about the money involved and not my health. When I told my wife about the appetite booster, as soon as I returned, she said she can't cook anymore than she has, and that if I get hungry, I will have to make my own oatmeal. While I can understand her viewpoint that she doesn't want to be cooking all the time, there was no "thank goodness you don't have cancer". Of course, again, "the world needs to revolve around her while I have medical issues!" Then, she quickly left for the weekend to be with her daughter to study and to take classes online.

[GettingOOTF]

It's a great relief that you don't have cancer.

Have you read The Body Keeps Score? I have read so many stories of people who had terrible health conditions that "magically" cleared up once they left their stressful situation.

When I left my marriage I lost 30lbs without even trying. Not through stress, I needed to lose it and had been trying for years. It just naturally came off. I was so sick and tired all the time when I was married to it BPDxH. Within a year of leaving I was like a new person. My skin was glowing, I had so much energy.

[Samuel S.]

Thank you for the book suggestion! I will look into it!

That's wonderful that you lost your pounds without even trying!

[tommom]

Oh yes!! Body Keeps the Score is fantastic AND eye-opening!!!

There are treatments that can help, too Samuel. They are listed in the last chapter.

So glad that you have had good reports! Sorry that you are going through the rest....

[1footouttadefog]

Samuel, your absence has been noticed.

I hope you are busy working on your health.

Have a better 2021 than 2020. 

[Associate of Daniel]

I'd just been thinking the same.

Do let us know how you're going, Samuel.

AOD