Hi. New. July2019 Found Mom Is a Covert Narc. Jul2020 She Died.

[Mamu]

hey all,

I'm a daughter of a sweet covert narc. I wish I have resolved my procrastination issue. If someone tells me to do a job I do it but I do not finish my work. My own work.

Working on self care and self love.

Any books or articles or any suggestion.

Thank you

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. I have had to educate myself about coping and looking after myself. You will find information about self care in the "Toolbox" section. I am sorry to learn that you have recently experienced a bereavement. It maybe that you are feeling depressed and unable to do much. I experienced a bereavement last year and am still finding it difficult to cope. You may need to talk with your doctor to get further help.

I post regularly in the "Other Media Resources" section of the forum, mainly about narcissistic abuse and how targets of abuse can cope better. I have posted links to YouTube channels that may help you such as Kris Godinez who specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez". I also recommend "Doctor Ramani" and "Surviving Narcissism" as well.

Kris Godinez has a recommended book list on her Facebook page that you may also find helpful.

There is support here on the forum from people in similar but different situations as yourself.

[Thru the Rain]

I'm sad that your M was a covert N, and I'm sad for you that she died.

It's possible to both realize a parent is/was dysfunctional and even toxic AND to mourn their passing. And also to mourn the parent you WISHED you had.

I don't have any reading to suggest, other than to read through the many, many heartfelt posts and responses on this board. Reading other people's experiences has helped me put so many things into perspective. The toolbox here is a very good place to start as well.

And just because your M is gone doesn't mean any pain she may have caused you is gone. Be kind to yourself as you work on healing.

[Mamu]

Thanks a lot Through The Rain. Love your nick name.

I'm a happy person and it was some God's plan that things were revealed and then Covid lockdown n social distancing is total blessing else I wouldn't have landed in this group.

The thing that bothers me the most is - why NPD is not part of education - why I was not taught about it just like biology and maths. I'm intelligent not a genius.  Still my mom fooled me for decades. I see my shadow as I reply to you. Hidden/suppressed anger , I suppose.

Thank you.

[Matteblak]

Don't beat yourself up... I didn't catch on until it was WAY too late. I remind myself that they've been practicing this their whole life. They are good at what they do (abuse, rage, anger, gaslighting, manipulation, deflection, mirroring, projection, etc.), and WAY more committed to it than we can imagine (they HAVE to be right...think of Wil-e Coyote when he would run off a cliff...as long as he didn't look down, he could float...they CANNOT look down or they fall hard, and we pay harder). Home is the one place you should be able to let your guard down...when you have to be "ON" there too, there is no time to rest...they like us tired. This forum has become a place of rest for me after only a week!

[Mamu]

Dear Guitarman,

Thank you for writing. Thank you for telling me about - We need to talk to Kris Godinez. I will go through her recommended books listing. I'm a big fan of Surviving Narcissism and Dr. Ramani.  I also like Dr. Abdul Saad and Dr Rose Rosenberg.

I have joined a few online meetup group which is good to communicate with the like minded and at various level of healing stage.

Thank you again.

Dear Matteblak,

How do you feel for not catching up. I'm forgiving but I can't condone what's done and the fact these people are children.

Thank you.

[Matteblak]

I feel stupid, i guess that´s the best word to describe. I´m fairly sure my mother is NPD, and like many of us here, I ended up marrying someone just like my NPD parent. It´s hard because we´ve been married 15 years and have a 9 year old, and I have to make protecting him a priority too. I hate that anyone is going through what many of us here are (and every PD is different). I just hope that I can be helpful to others as many on this board have been even with simple suggestions since I found Out of the FOG. I´m sorry if my initial comments came across wrong.

[Mamu]

Thank Matteblak for sharing. I had never got into relationship thanks to my mom.She fooled me big time.  I had fallen in love with a psychiatrist online. That's how one falls in love with God. The guy was psychopath of some high degree if there are some ratings. It was one sided and brutal verbally. My mom had a gala time as I see now. Pure Schadenfreude. I see it clearly. And I have seen it in the pictures. How much hatred she got for me. How barbarian a soul can be who loved my tears.

I want to enter into relationship and taking my time to heal first.

On the positive side, thank god I'm not married and not in a relationship else it would have been a catastrophe for him as well and/or me )). I got 6 nephew and nieces. My bros are married to my mom. I'm like - first protect myself and rise and shine and then think - what do I do for the children. I think like Mary Trump - just be a psychiatrist/ therapist - it's imp for me to protect me as I'm an hsp too and save my nephew n nieces by being a role model at least.