Guilt trip

[Sadhubby]

Trigger warning: I will write about threats of self harm, please don't read if this is likely to trigger you

My wife just announced how depressed she is over an ongoing argument we have. It's about moving country back to her mother country. I told her she will disregard my opinion and feelings on the matter, but she said she only wants me to listen.

The conclusion was that she doesn't care about anything in the place we live and will just let everything fall to pieces so we can finally emigrate. I have nothing to move to there, I can't even speak the language and my line of work is not available there. I will be isolated and the problems she hopes to solve by this are actually psychological problems she refuses to address, so there will be no actual benefit.

I have also come to realise through therapy how much she has been restricting my life since we moved to where we now live.

I closed down completely and changed the subject. She broke off and said I don't care if she hurts herself and maybe she will just go and do that.  Then she told me to get my stuff to sleep in the guest room.

It was clear to me throughout that this was not intended to be a cry for help or a conversation betwee  consenting adults. Theres no efforts at discourse. She has been bullying me all weekend and I have not been engaging, so I'm certain this is another manipulative tactic.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of behaviour?

[Matteblak]

Yep. Just after we were married my wife told me she wanted to leave her hometown (needed a fresh start, too many people have a problem with her...) we moved to another state, then another, then another, finally back in her hometown...now she wants to leave because she needs a fresh start, too many people have a problem with her...I told her "no" she threatens to harm herself and says just what your wife says. She is trying to solve an internal problem via external measures  and will always fall short. It's also why she likely is so mean to you. You are just like the town. You don't fix what's broken and she rages. Just speculation.

[11JB68]

Updh uses comments like this (I believe) to keep me in the marriage. He knows the buttons to push. Knows that I care and have empathy and guilt. He'll cry and say that if I ever left he might as well be dead, or would curl up and die, etc. Last time he stated that he 'would be suicidal'.
While I believe it's a manipulation, it still makes me worry about leaving...

[notrightinthehead]

I allowed myself many times to be manipulated to make up and soothe him by the threat of self harm. Did not change anything, probably made it worse. Eventually I forced myself to become cold hearted and not react to such threats and they stopped. However, when the partner threatens suicide outright, it  might be a good idea to call the authorities. It will also help to document such events for future custody battles.
If you not have started documenting such events, it would be a good idea to start now. Just the facts. Dates, triggering event, threat, action. Ideally someplace where your partner cannot find it.