New here...and dealing with SO's covert narc ex

[oak_tree]

Hi all.
Out of the FOG was recommended to me on another forum and my gosh, what an amazing resource it's been already!
I've also found it kind of depressing - nowhere has the narc in my life's behavior been this well described.
She's my SO's STBXW (at least, I hope S!) and a covert/vulnerable uNPD, and has a very strong hold on their two teenaged kids. It's frustrating, sad, demoralizing, frustrating, infuriating, sad, frustrating...
I'll probably post soon in the more specific board.
Until then, thanks for being here, I really look forward to hearing more perspectives.

[Starboard Song]

Welcome to Out of the FOG.

If you haven't found our Toolbox, it has lots of great introductory reading. It sounds like you'll be committed to low-level engagement with this woman for some time, but at a sort of distance. That is, she will only ever have a "right" to be around at a small number of major life events for her kids, as they graduate from school or get married or whatever.

I encourage you to read about boundaries: read hard. They are your friend. And also begin to check now: is your SO "all wrapped up" in this, or will he be ready to move on in a healthy way? If there is work to be done there, it is good to face it directly.

Be ever so strong.

I am glad you found us.

[oak_tree]

Thanks Starboard Song
I'll explore this site more thoroughly for sure.
In terms of my SO, from what I've read all over the place, he's doing exactly what he should. He never insults his ex in front of the kids (and not even in front of me, he'll just recall unacceptable behavior he's reminded of, now and then), and he actually encourages their relationship with their mother. He gives them a calm, welcoming, steady home they know they can always come to if they choose.
See you on the boards