New and Impending Divorce from uBPDH/uNPDH

[BluePooh]

Hello,

I have been married 25+ years to a man who I believe has NPD/BPD.

In the beginning, as many of you know, the charming far outweighed the BPD behavior. In fact, the BPD behavior was so mild and infrequent I was easily able to chalk it up to unpleasant quirkiness.

Over the last 5-10 years the level of disorder has intensified to extraordinary levels and for a few reasons I have stuck around despite being miserable.

He is out of control, mean, manipulative and rages vitriol I wouldn't dream of spewing at my worst enemy. He has threatened divorce more times than I can count, in the last year or so, he has left for days at a time. It is peaceful except for being on guard for his return.

At the beginning of covid lockdown he had a complete collapse. Didn't bathe or change clothes. Refused to speak to me and broke dishes and a TV. If any of us could go anywhere, we would.

More details are needed, but I wanted to just give a general sense of the situation.

Please ask any questions...I'm an open book and really isolated so can use conversation with others who understand what I'm dealing with. Thank you,

BluePooh

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You have come to a good place, full of information and support. Please read the Toolbox tab for strategies that are suitable for your situation and start implementing them.
There are many excellent books you might want to read, one I found very helpful "Stop caretaking the borderline/narcissist" by Fijestad. You might also want to read "Why does he do that?" by Bancroft. You can find and read that online.
As your husbands rages have increased, you should think about your personal safety and make an emergency plan.
People here on this forum understand what you are going through. Get as much information as you can, start reading and posting on the different boards, Chosen Relationships might be the one you start on, and make sure you are safe. See you around on the boards!