About forgiveness

[Danden]

I was thinking about things as I often do and I remembered something about forgiveness that I thought I would share.  My current take on this issue has been that God doesn't want us to be abused.  If someone else does not repent or change, then to continue a relationship with them is  to invite them to abuse us.  If we can find a way to continue the relationship and be at peace with ourselves, that is very good to do, from a  moral perspective, although it can be extremely difficult.  But if we cannot do it, we can also look for a way to "let it go" , release the anger and the hurt, and find peace within ourselves.  Even so, I sometimes feel guilty that I am not able to "fill the gap" in my relationship with an abusive person.  I have the thought that the moral responsibility should not rest to a greater extent with the victim than it does with the abuser.  The person who does something wrong has the greater responsibility to atone and make amends.  If they do not do this, or cannot do this, it is not up to the victim to make the situation right, although the victim may do this if they can and if they want to.

A few years ago, I was a facilitator in a faith sharing group at my church.  I remember a group discussion where I expressed these thoughts.  Some people were listening to this taking it in, while others were seemingly ready to  judge.  Isn't that how it always goes?  Then the priest made a comment that just came back to me.  He said we cannot fully forgive by ourselves, on our own.   But we can do it with God.  So I think that is something worth praying on. 

I just wanted to share that insight.  Peace to all.

[Starboard Song]

I'd go a step further. Forgiveness is a mental, emotional state: it has nothing at all to do with how we interact with the forgiven, other than that -- if we do interact with them -- we do so with kindness and no vindictiveness. Anger and bitterness are gone.

My uncle was murdered in 1999. Later my aunt had the opportunity to stand in court, look at the man who killed her husband and tell him she forgave him. She told him he was forgiven by her, and she hoped he would seek forgiveness and healing from God. She meant every word.

And there is nothing surprising about the fact that, while her forgiveness was complete, she had no interest in visiting with this man. She would never have him in her home, if he were ever released from prison. She would never write him a letter or visit him in jail. She would never accept his phone calls.

I forgive my MIL. I have no interest in her Christmas dinner, and reserve the right to maintain thoughtful boundaries that protect my ability to thrive.

[Jolie40]

He said we cannot fully forgive by ourselves, on our own.   But we can do it with God. 

so true!

took me years to forgive what happened in childhood & thought that I had forgiven
however, one day realized that I had not totally forgiven as the pain was still there

so I asked God to help me forgive

sometime after asking, I could talk with husband about childhood w/o crying
complete forgiveness had happened & I was free of the pain thanks to God!