Bizarre Persistence

[DetachedAndEngaged]

I dated a BPD for about a month five years ago. Haven't talked to her since.

She called me on a regular basis  for three years after that. I thought she was done until she called a few times a year ago.

Just checked the spam section on my phone app and discovered that she called from her own number and then a caller ID blocked number twice in the past week.

Five years later and she's still trying to connect.

You'd think she could find plenty of other sources of drama supply.

[Penny Lane]

That's so strange ... I'm glad you got out of that relationship so quickly!

[Phoenix Rising]

I think it is bizarre in some ways but not out of the ordinary for PDs in another way.

I dated someone I suspect is NPD or APD for a really brief period of time years ago. I was subjected to the abuse cycle many times and once I learned about the behaviours and tactics PDs use, I started to put boundaries in place and tried to cut him off. But he kept hoovering! That became very predictable despite the behaviour itself being very strange and not normal among people who are healthy.

My thoughts are that PDs do this when they don't have a source of supply (or the supply has ran out). They think that you may possibly have something to offer them so they try to get back in. So that is what I mean when I say that it is strange but also not so strange. When you wrote how you would think she would have found some other sources, it made me think of something my husband said to me. He suggested that PDs try a lot of things on a lot of different people but it doesn't always work (e.g. the person they target has shown them that they will not be able to provide them anything useful).

It must be so frustrating that this person keeps reaching out to you, but I think if you maintain everything you are doing (e.g. not responding), hopefully she will see that you are not an available source of supply.

[DetachedAndEngaged]

Phoenix Rising, I think you are right.

I suspect when she's run out of supply from whatever "local" (for lack of a better term) relationships she's in, she widens her search. I doubt her behavior is specific to me. Imagine she's just running through her contact list from top to bottom... which means it may never stop. Its just like being on a telemarketing call list.

The number is set up so there's no way she can get a text or phone call around my spam box. Its amusing at this point. And also sad for her.

[ShyTurtle]

I haven't experienced this several years out, but I worry about this behavior from my ex  who I left 8 months ago. After a few months of silence, suddenly there was a message through Google messenger...he'd responded to a message I'd sent 5 years ago on there. Fortunately my phone number has changed, or I know he would be still leaving calls in my spam too. I'm quite certain he is ubpd and unpd...and there are probably others too.

[Janeite V]

DetachedAndEngaged, that must have been quite a disturbing discovery! That is an interesting point about casting a wide net like a telemarketer. It might also be her attempt at getting "closure" in the form of the last word or some sort of "gotcha."

Like you I have found some PDs to be almost frighteningly persistent. It helps me to remember that for some people, stirring up drama is their driving force, their life's work, much like an addiction. That explains why they are so good at it (even if they're not very bright in other areas) and so persistent.

I think you should be seriously proud of yourself. Every single one of those messages over the last five years represents a storm that you averted with your dedication to maintaining your boundaries. Every message you would have sent would have been more ammunition. Not to mention just how quickly you ended the relationship!

[DetachedAndEngaged]

Now she has a new phone number.

Called several times in quick succession last week and even sent a text message posing as someone else trying to get me to answer . It doesn't ring my phone so I don't see it until several days later.

Then she called again multiple times a couple of days later. Then again.

This is unusual for her... previously she'd only call a couple of times and then it would be months or longer before she'd try again. She must be especially desperate right now.

At this point only a few legit people use that number anyway, so time to change it. Didn't take much work to inform the relevant friends of the new number. I'm tired of being reminded of her.

Almost 6 years since I've had any communication with her and she's still trying to hoover.

Well... its over now.