My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live

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Maxtrem

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My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« on: December 04, 2020, 06:27:16 PM »
My uBPDm called to tell me that she found out a few months ago that her heart was finished and that she has about 3 years left to live and that she didn't mind. When I asked her why she hadn't talked about it before, she told me that she didn't want to be pitied by those around her, when it was practically her life project! She also asked me not to talk about it, which I won't do. But the most peculiar thing was when I asked the exact name of her heart problem, she only told me that her heart was finished. Personally, I don't consider this a satisfactory answer, the doctor would have given the exact name of her condition!

What affects me the most is that my mother tells me that she has a serious health problem, that she won't live to be old and I am unable to believe her story.
On the other hand, she clearly has a condition, she is out of breath when she goes up half a flight of stairs to get home and she is not that old. Maybe it's asthma too, but I'm not a doctor... and a prognosis of 3 years, personally I find it strange, especially since according to him there is completely nothing that can be done to improve his situation. Of course she said that she shouldn't let others cause her stress  :stars: I think I'm writing this message more to ventilate than anything else, thanks for taking the time to read me! 

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Boat Babe

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2020, 06:47:44 PM »
I was taken aback at the three years left diagnosis. I don't think its a thing. There are certain degenerative disease that have specific time lines but an unnamed heart condition?

I call BS.
It gets better. It has to.

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JustKathy

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2020, 08:03:37 PM »
I also think it might be BS.

My own Nmother had a diagnosis of "some kind of tumor on her heart" and spent years claiming to have four weeks to live. I was NC when my father called to tell me this. He kept calling and insisting that I break NC and come to visit immediately because this tumor was inoperable and she had very little time left. After a year of hearing this, my therapist concluded that it she was faking it for attention.

She ended up dying around four years later. I was never told what she died of. She may have had a tumor and lied about the prognosis, or she was faking it and eventually died of an unrelated condition. My siblings were turned against me in a smear campaign and I'm NC with my father, so I doubt I'll ever know what really happened.

Please don't be hard on yourself for not believing her. If something doesn't sound true, it probably isn't. And if it does turn out to be true, it was her actions that created that doubt, not yours. My mother spent her life making up ridiculous stories and faking illnesses. When you spend your life crying wolf, people aren't going to believe you.

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Hilltop

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2020, 08:27:03 PM »
She could have been diagnosed with heart failure which is an actual health condition and she would be out of breath with that.  However my PDMIL loves to talk about health problems making them much worse than they actually are.

Trouble with your mother you don't know if she has been diagnosed with something minor which could eventually lead to heart failure if she doesn't alter diet or exercise or if she actually has a serious heart condition.  That's the trouble with PD's, they lie.

I guess all you can do is keep boundaries in place to protect yourself.

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Maxtrem

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2021, 06:19:47 PM »
Update

She had to have surgery for another problem following an accident. When the nurse asked her if she had any conditions, she didn't mention "her heart condition". Right after I told her and she whispered to me so the nurse wouldn't hear that her heart condition was not a problem for surgery.

She lied to manipulate again, my uBPDM does not have a heart problem at least nothing serious enough to be declared before surgery LOL.


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Boat Babe

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2021, 06:23:03 PM »
Quelle surprise.

Hope you're OK.
It gets better. It has to.

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moglow

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2021, 06:48:09 PM »
I'd have put that information out there SO LOUD that it couldn't be ignored!! Let the nurse go into her questions and listen closely while you stare.mama.down. You wouldn't have to say one more word, not if you have the facial expressions I can't seem to stop ...  :ninja:
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.  ~ Cap'n Spanky

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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JustKathy

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2021, 08:49:30 PM »
Ugh! A heart condition is something that could mean life or death during surgery. I think she'd want to mention that. Well, at least you now have your answer about her mystery illness.

These Ns spend their lives faking illnesses for attention. Does it ever occur to them that one day they might really get sick and people will just roll their eyes in disbelief? My Nmother spent so many years claiming she was sick and/or dying that when my sister emailed me to tell me she had died I didn't believe it. I thought my sister was lying to get my address. A call from the family dentist confirmed it, but how messed up is that? She cried wolf so many times that when she was terminally ill everyone thought she was faking it.

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TimetoHeal

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2021, 09:38:46 PM »
Wow!  Unbelievable.  :sadno:

Im glad you have your answer, but sorry you had to put up with that.

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2021, 11:14:05 AM »
 :no: So typical to fake an illness but absolutely maddening! I'm sorry Maxtrem.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2021, 11:38:05 AM »
How I relate!! uPDm was dying from her heart condition and I relocated my family to care for her in her final few years. That was 16 years ago. Yup that's right sixteen 16 six teen years. Of course, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about her heart condition as she didn't want to make a fuss. Eventually I found out she had told all her friends I moved because I needed her. Sorry but no and I corrected that as often as it popped up. I honored her wishes citing only "my parents health needs" as the reason for my relocation. There was also no actual doctor involved in diagnosing her condition except for HER PEDIATRICIAN yup - that's right - her doctor away back in the 1940's heard a blip in his stethoscope.

You are not alone, you are not crazy, I hear you and I see you as the honorable and kind person you are and the big heart you have.

Totally would have been tempted to pull off the faux *gasp* "but mother what about your heart?" with the biggest look of wide eyed innocent shocked concern and maybe a little tear if I was able to imagine smelling an onion.
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JollyJazz

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2021, 10:40:16 AM »
Yes, exaggeration and constant updates of real or imagined health issues do seem to be a BPD trait. My PDM loves to give me unsolicited health updates. Maybe I should just call it 'narcissistic supply fishing'.

I've been trained since infancy to supply top grade hits of love, respect and care whilst getting little to nothing in return (except emotional and sometimes physical abuse). They think nothing of outright lying to get their emotional wants.

I'm working on the MC these days though, 'oh. Make sure you call the doctor'. Hehe.

Random historical fun fact - Jane Austen's mother was a hypochondriac who would tell everyone constantly how sick she was. The famed novelist died at the age of 47 on an uncomfortable settee like bed, while her mother (who had the comfortable bed because of her 'maladies', and lived to be a ripe old age.

Anyway, I hope you are doing okay. I'm very sorry that you have to endure these emotional barrages.

"You are not alone, you are not crazy, I hear you and I see you as the honorable and kind person you are and the big heart you have."

I second Spring Butterflies lovely comment here.

Even when one knows there's manipulation and exaggeration going on, it speaks to your compassionate nature if you initially wondered if there was a grain of truth.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2021, 10:50:46 AM by JollyJazz »

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2021, 12:03:25 PM »
I knew Mrs. Bennett was real!!!

But wow, your mother takes things to the next level. Like others, I’m glad you’ve got your answer but angry on your behalf. How absolutely brazen and disrespectful to those who have actual illnesses! I think people like your mother make it difficult for those who really need help to get it in the medical world.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2021, 12:05:48 PM by Call Me Cordelia »

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Amadahy

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2021, 10:00:00 AM »
Sorry, Maxtrem.  This crap is exhausting!  My Nmom claims to have had dozens of "ministrokes" (TIAs) and even a miscarriage.  (The miscarriage was claimed after I suffered one.)  EnDad used to say as long as she could live in the doctor's office, she was happy.  Surprisingly (sarcasm), I am not a fan of doctors.  Even now, when I visit her at her long-term care facility, she will ask how my health is.  If my insides were falling out, I'd say "fine."  Otherwise, I know there'd be a lengthy comparison and she'd win for being "sicker."  Take care of yourself.  xoxo
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Boat Babe

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2021, 12:33:04 PM »
My grandmother was dying for the last forty years of her life. She made it to 101!
It gets better. It has to.

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Hilltop

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Re: My uBPDm told me that she had 3 years to live
« Reply #15 on: August 03, 2021, 01:48:18 AM »
Omg that is very annoying but at least you now know.  If she had been honest with you she would have definitely mentioned it so whatever she told you was a lie.  They are unbelievable aren't they.

It astounds me that they think lying like this is normal.  My mother in law did the same thing. She was in hospital recently getting checked for something that she exaggerated about, she said she may have a blood clot when later she admitted that she had fallen and twisted her knee.  She didn't need anything for the knee, she could walk, it was just a little achy. Yep anyway she had told my DH a while back that she had kidney damage with her kidneys working at 50%.  In hospital with her fake blood clot they asked her about her medical conditions and she didn't mention her kidney condition at all.  Nothing.  So I figured that she had lied about it just like she lied about the blood clot and just like she had told me when she was 50 and I first met her that she was going to die soon.  She is 75 and still here. Just like she lied after she had a hysterectomy and phoned and said she was bleeding heavily and worried and when we went to visit, nope nothing wrong, she had been shopping and all sorts of things, she just wanted a visit and to be made a fuss of.

It really is pathetic.  I have no advice just sympathy, I gave up taking her medical concerns seriously a long time ago and perhaps you may need to do the same as trying to figure out what is real and what isn't is just too hard.  My mother in law is needy and wants attention and she won't directly ask to see you, she will make up little emergencies and other chores to ensure visits.  Its exhausting.

« Last Edit: August 03, 2021, 01:53:35 AM by Hilltop »