A Need to Show How Inconvenienced They Are

[Janeite V]

I've allowed this behaviour to rule my life for years. I spend so much time wondering how to work around it, and wondering why they (plural they, unfortunately) do it so consistently. And then I beat myself up for being so affected by it.

A few examples:

Someone else needs the car. Narcissist will not negotiate for its use and will walk in the pouring rain (for an errand that is not at all urgent). They come home soaking wet ten minutes later.

Room needs to be fumigated. Narcissist comes home early and suddenly needs something in there and walks into the toxic room despite protestations from others about safety.

Someone else wants to watch the TV. Narcissist will leave the room in a huff every single time, and close all the doors around the person, and will sit in an uncomfortable position somewhere else (even though they have many better places to go).

Someone else uses the toilet. Narcissist will stand outside with arms folded staring into space to show how long they have been waiting.

Someone else wants to use the kitchen. Narcissist blames them for their own weight problems because they "never have any time to themselves" and if anyone so much as passes through the kitchen, they will leave their cooking and wait in another room, sometimes abandoning their uncooked food for hours. Or if someone else is in the kitchen they will physically intimidate (throw things or stand in personal space) or sulk.

And many more. Basically, any time anyone else wants to use something that is meant to be shared this happens. The narcissist seems to genuinely believe everyone else is getting a better deal.

I try to carry on as normal but it's really difficult when the slightest thing will result in some passive aggressive behaviour. It makes me just want to stay isolated, which I suppose is the point.

[Thru the Rain]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you called this behavior passive aggressive.

From the toolbox 100 Traits under Passive-Aggressive:
What NOT To Do:

    Don't respond with a passive-aggressive approach of your own.
    Don't feel responsible for another person's passive aggressive words or actions.

What TO Do:

    Speak the truth, clearly, accurately and simply, then leave the conversation if that is not enough.
    Do something healthy and productive for yourself.

I'm not sure you can "leave" these conversations (or interactions) since the other person is dramatically removing themselves first. (I can almost hear the *heaved* sighs from here!)

You might think through what are your plans for the day/afternoon/evening. Maybe your "plan" is to stop in the kitchen for a snack and then on to the living room to watch TV, followed by walking the dog when your show is over.

Then if you find yourself not following your own plan because of this passive-aggressive behavior, you'll have a moment to decide to either engage or ignore their actions.

[Janeite V]

Thank you, the way you have framed that is very elegant!

Making a plan is a great idea. Because right now in my head it feels like I am choosing to be aggressive and to displace them every time I decide to do anything outside my own room, even if they aren't using anything. On a rational level I know I am literally just getting a drink of water, and that even if I was in the way, they have a choice to ask, but these days I feel like I am making some sort of statement.

By having a plan and being aware of the times I am choosing not to follow it because of passive-aggressive behaviours, I am more aware of my own reactions to it while also not taking responsibility for their choice to act that way.