hoarding?

[losingmyself]

jsinjin, wow!
That's all I can think to say..
And I understand the temptation to just secretly throw these things away, but the hell that would follow if we were to be found out...
I don't have anywhere near the issues that you do, though.
I wonder what it is... I'm going to throw out that it's like an addiction, alcoholism, or drug use, smoking. There's a psychological, even physiological reaction to letting things go. Even trash.
My heart goes out to you

[Prototypian]

jsinjin, wow!
That's all I can think to say..
And I understand the temptation to just secretly throw these things away, but the hell that would follow if we were to be found out...
I don't have anywhere near the issues that you do, though.
I wonder what it is... I'm going to throw out that it's like an addiction, alcoholism, or drug use, smoking. There's a psychological, even physiological reaction to letting things go. Even trash.
My heart goes out to you

LM, it's been a slow realization that it wasn't normal.   One thing I've noticed that contributes to it is a "worst case scenario" mentality.   She literally starts with the very worst thing that could happen and that fear drives every single other decision.   It pervades everything, not just hoarding.   We can drive around a parking lot filled with open spots for 10 minutes at a grocery store trying to find the "right" spot.   Christmas gifts are always very last minute.  One year (over 10 years ago) I gave up and wrote and signed and stacked and addressed and stamped about 50 christmas cards to my family, friedns and relatives.   I had them ready to drop in the mail and for some reason she asked if she could do.it on her way to work.   I said sure and found them over a year later in the back of her car in a bag.   She said she just couldn't send them because she wasn't sure what message I had written and she had to be part of it.   We never send cards because she can't put down the right words in the letter or whatever she wants to include.   Paying bills is a nightmare; she refused to have a toll tag in he vehicles for some reason but will then spend hours quizzf me about dates and times when I drove here or.there to pay some absurd $6.50 cent bill mailed to us.  I've had to pull out my calendar and phone and other details to prove I took some route or another to work or to a meeting even if the route is clearly on the way to somewhere I recall going.   Details and exactness and reconciliation in everything matter infinitely more to her than getting anything done on time.   She would rather have a 100 dollar fine than be off a few pennies.   It's bizarre and all tied to the same OCPD behavior.   It has gotten a lot worse inn the last 5 years though.

[1footouttadefog]

After moving my mother from one house to another recently and then reading about hoarding here, I have had an urge to clean and get rid of stuff.

I can sort of relate to the feeling it needs to not be wasted.  We have a swap sjed at the county trash conveniemfe center.  Its great you can put stuff in there and some will usualky take it away.  I dont put nasty stuff or trash, but things the kids have outgrown or books or craft items we dont want any longer etc. 

Its closed due to covid so i will try finf a thrift store.

[stormbrewing]

Not sure if this strategy would work for anyone else, but the hoarding at my home was starting to get out of hand - and I was getting the blame for it. I moved the things he was hoarding into a secure storage space and gave him the invoice. I was setting a boundary in terms of living in a clean and clutter-free space while also respecting his right as an individual to choose to keep whatever he wanted. Note: He could afford to pay for it. 

He complained very loudly for three years (while also paying for the space) that he could have just bought it all again for the money it was costing him to keep the storage space.  Meanwhile he told all of his flying monkeys that he had to spend all this money on storage space because I wouldn't let him have his things at my house. I received two lectures from his friends over it.

Oddly enough as soon as we separated he cleared the space out so he didn't have to pay any more. Turns out there were a few things in there of mine that I had thrown out but that he must have retrieved and kept - he dumped them on my front porch.

[losingmyself]

He has been 'working on' organizing some of his stuff, which I acknowledge is a good thing. He's not getting rid of much, but instead investing all sorts of money into buying storage totes and piling his things in them.
I guess I will take whatever I can get. At least he realizes that there's too much clutter.
SB, good for you for moving his clutter out! I couldn't do that! I bet he lived just fine without those things you moved to the storage unit, too.
I think my H has alienated enough people that he would have very few, if any, flying monkeys