Is there a term for these two behaviors?

[cgr68311]

Behavior #1: Every time I send PD coparent mom an update on a new milestone, accomplishment our 2 year old reached, she says he has done it with her already. If daycare provider says he's now reaching new milestones or learning his routine/schedule, and cleaning up, she says he's doing that with her also. Seems she never wants to be left behind.

Behavior #2. It's either reading comprehension or else, but whatever update or topic I let her know about, she replies about it from a completely different unrelated context, started seeing that recently.

She has mentioned recently that she's not all there, and began taking brain natural supplements because she's not the same since giving birth, low thresholds for stress, anxiety, etc. Pretty concerning since I have to deal with her nonsense.

[GettingOOTF]

It can take a woman's body and hormones years to "normalize" after giving birth. If she's mentioned she feels "not the same" then she may be suffering from some form of postpartum depression. If she has a lower tolerance for stress and anxiety she may be feeling the impacts of trauma.

The birth process, motherhood and the changes that come along with it to our bodies, hormones and lifestyle  can be traumatic.

The first issues sound like anxiety around how she feels she is as a mother. This is  a very common indicator of postpartum issues.

It sounds like she may need the support and care of a doctor who specializes in postpartum issues.

[Associate of Daniel]

I ended up just not telling unNPD exH about any milestones that ds reached.

Admittedly, ds was older than yours is.  (UNPD exH left when he was almost 6.) Milestones at your son's age are more frequent and lifechanging than in older years.

I figured that the school could tell uNPD exH about significant academic avhievements.  And the physical growth and development spoke for itself.

Regarding your ex's responses, you'll likely come to a point where they just roll off your back and they won't bother you anymore.  They speak a lot about her but don't affect the situation at all (unless I'm reading your description incorrectly.)

They probably just come from an inexhaustible need she may have to be seen as perfect/better than everyone else.

I suggest cutting down the communication you have with your ex to the bare essentials.  But perhaps I'm projecting my own difficulties with my uNPD exH and his uNPD wife onto you.  Mine are simply too dangerous to my mental stability to have too much communication with.

Can you give is an example of the 2nd behaviour you mentioned?

AOD

[Free2Bme]

Hi cgr~

It took me a long time to realize updxh did not process information in the same way I did.  In your example, I would be thinking (imagining) that I was doing a good/amicable thing by sharing kid's progress with my updh (now xH).  However, pd's see everything as a competition and have to play the 'one-up' game. 

My updxh will go to extremes to 'beat' me at these things, for example; letting preteen children try alcohol, putting our 12yo behind the wheel of his SUV, letting DS 17 drive 3 states away to prove he is 'cooler' than me, administering medications at (dangerous) adult doses to children just so he can claim he 'takes care of them'......I could go on.

IMO, when we share these 'normal' things with a xpd it exacerbates things, and can even ramp them up to the point they will endanger the child.  There is no such thing as co-parenting with these types.

To the later point, this sounds like post-partum depression to me.  I have not experienced this, but I know someone that is very bi-polar that has experienced debilitating PPD.

Document. Document. Document.  and take care.

[cgr68311]

Yes, today I sent her a pic of our boy smiling looking all proud standing on top of a small square toy box in my kitchen. He was just climbing while I was doing the dishes and kept posing for me to take him a picture.

I sent it to mom this morning and I say "look how proud he looks" She responds "yes very healthy". Then she realized she didn't make sense and tried to fix it by saying "yes healthy because he is proud of himself". That second comment made even less sense. This  it is not the first time she distorts or changes the meaning of the conversation at hand. It's actually very frequent occurrence.

Can you give is an example of the 2nd behaviour you mentioned?

AOD

[athene1399]

I agree with AoD. We would communicate upcoming doctor's appointments and the outcomes. If we communicated extra, it would most likely lead to our frustration or other issues with BM. We also did not often respond to her messages as most of them were not necessary or were verbally abusive. It was best for SO to limit contact with his ex. With that being said, if you are afraid she has some sort of psychological issue going on, I think it's important for you to know. Especially if your child spends time alone there. SO's ex was very honest about her mental health, so I don't have experience in trying to figure out what is going on if the PD is not honest about it and it  feels to you that something is up.

[sevenyears]

I call the first behavior "one-uppance." My uNOCPD ExH does it all the time. If I tell him how well DS5 of DD8 did something, he always comes back with how the child did it first at his place/with him/on his time, whatever. It is especially the case with DS5 - the emerging GC. I don't know why he does this. At first, it was really frustrating because it redirects attention away from the kid and his/her achievement and onto ExH. Now I just ignore it. I refuse to compete with him. Instead, I always focus on how proud I am of child to the kid directly, or to his/her teacher, or whomever.  Sometimes, his one-uppance was just typical parents showing off ("junior can hold his breath underwater for five minutes and he's only 3!"); other times, it was an effort on his part to get all the attention/credit/praise ("junior already started riding his bike when he is with "me" when he was 2 - he was 7 before he started riding his bike with you!"). Other times he did this to make himself look good ("why, what a lovely birthday present you got for junior. I'll run right out and get him the same thing and give it to him first to spoil the fun when he gets it from you!"). And, other times the "one-uppance" was just weird (you're hanging up white picture frames in your new apartment? Then I will hang up the same ones too - but, more of them.").