He's been out of the house for a month.

[Blackbird11]

The day he moved out I was so happy I kept smiling. I had to hide from him all day to not offend him with my joy.

My kid is fine. He's 3. He never knew us together, and after the first overnight with dad he now looks forward to it as a sleepover party at dad's house.

I had the most relaxing Thanksgiving I've had in over a decade because he was gone. Now about to have the most relaxing Christmas in over a decade.


We're still working through the divorce agreement, but he finally understands this relationship is done.

Found this website in November 2017. Date of freedom: November 2020. Thank you all!

[Poison Ivy]

Thanks for sharing this good news!

[GettingOOTF]

I've always said that it's impossible to describe what it feels like to be out to someone who is still in. I'm happy for you that you get to experience this for yourself.

[Blackbird11]

Poison - I don't know where I'd be without wisdom from you and others on here!

GOOTF: SO TRUE! A weight has definitely been lifted. This is good but also I'm aware of a lot of emotions coming through that I'm trying to deal with in a healthy way.

BTW - he is still going around lying about why we're getting divorced; has minimal time with our child and actually tries to pickup/dropoff later/earlier than he should (but posts photos of him doing the dad thing on social media); and all of my neighbors are still good friends with him/are cool to me (not one has sent a holiday card this year - previous years all did).

Doesn't matter. I'm FREE! My child (and dog) has a happy home. I'm rebuilding financially. My real friends and understanding family have my back. Focusing on this and envisioning a happier future every day.

[Bunnyme]

It is such a good feeling to be free, even though it causes other issues, because you are finally out of the constant cycle of abuse.  I know when I recently told some family that I finally filed,they reacted with, "I'm so sorry.  That has to be so hard."  Um, sadly, not really (the financial part and impact on the kids part, yes, but not sad at all).  I also feel you on the canceling visits, cutting them short yet auditioning for dad of the year on social media. 
Good for you standing strong.  It is also totally normal to have moments of doubt, especially when they hard-core hoover.  Mine also acted like he wanted to work toward an agreement, said he wanted to split, etc..  I paid to have the agreement written up.  Suddenly, he decided not to play ball and acted like I was forcing it on him.   

[GettingOOTF]

This is good but also I'm aware of a lot of emotions coming through that I'm trying to deal with in a healthy way.

This is common and natural and healthy. Once our brain feels safe it will start to allow us to feel and process all the emotions we suppressed as we  didn’t feel safe or capable of dealing with them.

Be kind to yourself. At some point you will start to process the true horror of what you went through. I’ve been following your story and I think you’ve had it worse than a lot of people. There is a lot for you to deal with. It will feel hard but will be worth it.

As for friends and neighbors I am no longer in touch with a single “couple friend”, any of his friends and quite a few of my friends since the divorce.

I have come to see that disordered people attract a certain type of circle and those people are not who I want in mine.

It was hard and there were some very lonely years but I look back at those people and I wonder why I ever wanted them on my life.

[Phoenix Rising]

Ah, that's the best!! Congrats to you! 

I didn't end up staying in touch with mutual friends, acquaintances and such. It just became annoying when you're either told or come to find out what the ex is doing, saying, etc, and you know the truth behind it. Like hello, exNPD is not father of the year...  I had to close down all possible avenues for hoovering attempts, flying monkeys as well.

All of that really sucked but I think it was the best thing I could do for myself. It wasn't possible to begin healing while I remained wrapped up in his facade and I met new, more compatible people anyway

[Stillirise]

Congratulations, blackbird! I have often felt our stories have many similarities.  I've learned a lot from following your threads here.  I understand what you are processing right now! Lately, I've been dealing with the issue of feeling "stuck."  I've had my wheels spinning for so long, and now trying to decompress, I sometimes get a little anxious that I'm not being "productive" enough.  I try and remember that my inside work is productive, and allow myself the time, and the grace, needed to completely move through this process.

I am to the point where I don't let his narrative, or what others think, take up much headspace. That's helped a lot.

I've found I do have some amazing friends and family in my court.  I try to be mindful not to overwhelm them with my emotions and drama...life is stressful enough right now.  However, by doing self-work, being here, and also having that occasional IRL person to talk to, I feel like I'm close to being not just the old me, but a new and improved version, that hopefully can avoid being enmeshed with PD persons in the future!

Best wishes!