BPD looking to get better

[fly4steel]

Hello there,

I was recently diagnosed with BPD and have begun dialectical behavioral therapy. I also have been taking some medications to manage the extreme symptoms. I've caused a lot of pain in my relationships. I'm disgusted with it. This has never been the life that I wanted for myself or anyone around me. I'm currently going through a divorce. It needed to happen for the well-being of those around me. It took a few years to recognize that the going up and down all the time that I wasn't cut out for relationships, especially a marriage. One day I could a stellar parent, while the next I could totally unstable. The same goes for my marriage. Relationships are not ideal for someone with BPD, I've come to realize. However, I want to take the necessary steps to achieve normalcy.

The distress for even the smallest things were out of control. The hurtful things said can't be undone. I really don't want to continue in life unless I'm on a path of getting better. I've begun practicing mindfulness and living in the moment during times of distress. I'm currently staying at my parents until I can find a place to live on my own. Life seems to be crashing down around me. I hope I can make the best of this situation and make a positive impact on my children's lives. Please don't judge me for being BPD. My psychiatrist also diagnosed me with Bipolar II. I want to get better but I feel like I'm fighting for my life and my kid's lives right now.

Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I'm feeling low at this point but trying to keep a positive mindset. As you know with BPD, things change from second to second.

[xredshoesx]

Hi fly4steel and welcome to Out of the FOG -

Because you have identified yourself as someone who suffers from BPD,  we want to make sure you're aware of a couple of things as you settle in.

Out of the FOG is a community dedicated to offering support and information to people who have a loved one or family member who suffers from a personality disorder. That doesn't necessarily exclude those who also have a PD from participating but the rule is we come here to discuss our relationship issues as they pertain to the other people in our lives with a PD, and not PD recovery issues as they pertain to the self. If you suffer from, or suspect you suffer from a personality disorder, we welcome your participation as long as the discussion still revolves around dealing with the loved ones in your life with a PD and not on your own recovery from a PD.   From your initial post it does not appear you are seeking support for a PD/ uPD relationship.

Also, we'd like you to be aware that people at a site like this are often hurting a great deal.  They come here needing a safe place to vent about how they may have been hurt by the person in their life with a PD.  At times, these comments can be harsh. Reading them may trigger you, if you are not far enough along in your own recovery to let these comments pass without becoming upset or attempting to speak on behalf of others with personality disorders.

I know you are going through a lot and I commend you for coming clean with the battle you are facing daily for yourself and your life- however we are not equipped here to offer support to folks with a PD /uPD seeking support outside of a clinical setting.  These are some resources we have found that may help you get the support you need for you.  If you suspect someone else in your circle may also have an undiagnosed PD please do let us know, so we can point you towards the appropriate part of the forum for when you are ready to unpack the dynamics of that relationship.


http://www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/

http://emotionsmatterbpd.org  BPD support group in New York called Emotions Matter

Thank you again for  your understanding, and again Welcome to Out of the FOG.

[fly4steel]

Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. I found out, through other posts, that this was a welcoming place for those in a relationship with a PD/uPD individual. With your reply, that thought was confirmed. Perhaps I can return one day to offer some insight for those looking to heal. However, I am just early in my recovery.