NPD mom now claims I'm npd.

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Writingthepain

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NPD mom now claims I'm npd.
« on: December 23, 2020, 08:33:30 AM »
A while ago mom found out about npd.  Since then she's been very enthusiastic about diagnosing everyone and anyone she meets as npd. Everyone that is except herself.
I knew it was only a matter of time before she took a shot at me with it. After an argument where I had the audacity to disagree with her, she accused me of having npd. Much to her annoyance I said:
'Yes, of course, your right, I'm npd. '
Which made her furious as of course she knows that npd people will never believe or acknowledge that they have npd.
Has anyone ever experienced this?

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Janeite V

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Re: NPD mom now claims I'm npd.
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2020, 09:50:48 AM »
Good on you for your intelligent response  ;D It sounds like you were prepared with all of your knowledge!

I hope that you did not take what she said to heart; narcissists like to project the traits they don't like about themselves onto scapegoats in order to maintain their sense of ego. That, and also they like to gaslight so that you might be more susceptible to control and abuse. It's also a great way to avoid engaging with someone's actual point. I bet you know all of that already, but sometimes it is nice to be reminded.

My narcissist is very fond of noticing minor mistakes and telling people they are "concerned for them" as they must have dementia or an intellectual disability.

They have accused me of gaslighting and strongly implied I had BPD. They also like to compare me to their least favourite mental health clients. That level of contempt for suffering clients in their care is one of the reasons I struggle to trust mental health professionals now.

This tactic made me seriously doubt myself for a long time, because my memories were always different to the narcissist's (although oddly enough, I never had that problem with anyone else). It really helped to remind myself that gaslighting is a sustained attempt to undermine another person's sense of reality, not simply having a different memory of an event occasionally.

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Boat Babe

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Re: NPD mom now claims I'm npd.
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2020, 11:25:17 AM »
Your mum sounds delightful (British sarcasm) and very typically PD. I'm sorry you had to hear that and your irony-ometer must have gone into the red! Good answer!

When I was leaving exPDbf his parting shot was "You're a sociopath"  By that time, I was so done with him that I laughed, told him he was a narcissist and walked out the door.
It gets better. It has to.

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Sneezy

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Re: NPD mom now claims I'm npd.
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2020, 12:55:40 PM »
Something similar with my mom.  Back when I was still trying to convince her to be a little nicer to people, I used the phrase "you hurt people's feelings" too often.  As in "you hurt people's feelings when you're abrupt on the phone," or "you hurt people's feelings when you say x."  So now that is mom's go-to phrase with me.  No matter what I do, whether the phrase is applicable or not, I'm hurting her feelings.  PDs are good at using our own words right back at us.  Never mind if it makes any sense.

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sandpiper

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Re: NPD mom now claims I'm npd.
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2020, 02:41:55 AM »
Yes, best tactic is just to agree with them and do the 'whatever you say Yoda' as their goal is to create conflict and drama.
I had a very persistent flying monkey in my circle many years ago - she was a work client and unfortunately she was an old school friend of one of my mother's cousins. She'd only ever seen the shop front and of course when FOO realised she knew me they started feeding her the Kool-Aid. She was confused by the stories and kept bringing them to me. I would just laugh and say, 'Yes of course I'm the problem, I've had years of therapy for all the things they think are wrong with me and I absolutely agree. Isn't it sad that they know what a terrible person I am but they still want me back? It's very sad but no matter how hard I've tried I'm afraid I just can't be fixed. They're so much better off without me.'
That shut her up.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2020, 02:43:29 AM by sandpiper »