Reached a few goals

[Associate of Daniel]

Let's give ourselves a pat on our backs for things we have achieved in 2020, despite, or because of, Covid.

I'll start.

I've read 12 books.  Will probably finish a 13th today or tomorrow.  I'd better read a 14th before year's end to keep my superstitious mum happy.

I've started a mini vegetable garden.  4 tomato plants, 1 strawberry plant and a pot of basil.  So far they've survived.  It must be something about turning 50.  My black thumbs seem to be turning slightly green.

I've washed most of the interior walls of my house.

I took a risk and used some of my emergency fund/car replacement fund to finish paying off my mortgage.  I'm debt free! And still have some money in the emergency fund.

My clothes still fit me so I'm assuming I haven't gained any weight. I still don't have the courage to stand on the scales though!

I learned to (and did) replace a toilet seal and I cleared a blocked bathroom pipe. All by myself.

What have the rest of us achieved?  Let's cheer ourselves out of this awful year.

AOD

[Poison Ivy]

I had a big, expensive, and boring house upkeep project done: new gutters.

The inside of the house is cleaner than it's ever been. And nobody but me gets to see it. Oh, well.

I've read dozens of books.

I and my family members are healthy.

Here's to 2021!

[Free2Bme]

Thanks for starting this AOD,

Whew, 2020....

I got through my hospital internship during the pandemic (I'm a bit germaphobic) and graduated in August
Paid off some debt
Repaired numerous household breakdowns, and some DIY improvements to home and property
Made it through my season of hot flash hell, thank God that's over with
Was able to visit DS18 & DS21 without drama from boys or updxh, an improvement compared to prior years
Recently started family therapy with DD15, long overdue.
Made some progress in my personal journey Out of the FOG
Family and friends are healthy

So much to be grateful for in spite of all the difficulties 2020 has imposed on all of us.  I'm thankful for this forum and everyone here. 

AOD~
I'm a little envious of your garden    That's on my list for next year!
I have a huge fenced garden with a beautiful crop of weeds at the moment.

PI~
I want gutters, the run off wrecks my gardens.  I'm not sure if I'm up to doing this myself and can't afford it right now, but it's on the list!

[1footouttadefog]

My kids are doing well. I graduated my youngest from homeschooling and she is a college student at the comm college.  The older one is remaining successful in Uni despite covid related setbacks, classes going online and a course she needed being dropped, etc. Etc.   

For now seeing the kids through to adulthood is the priority.

I had various plans that pretty much got hijacked all year long.

I was planning a great reset in 2020 and covid gave it in spades.  Constant change and flux and bending. 

While I got little of what I planned done, I got alot done.  I am motivated to make better use if my time this year than ever before because strangely, I have plans for me.  For my life between now and my old age.  My pdh will remain childlike and not a large contributor and I will live my adult life and pursue my goals althewhile setting boundaries against him negatively impacting me.

I bought a little tractor in early 2020 and cannot wait to doing some landscaping where I live in addition to breaking ground on a small organic veggie business I will be starting as my post homeschool mom career.

[Phoenix Rising]

Great idea! Congrats to everyone on their accomplishments this year.  It's been a rough one for sure.

Usually I travel with DH and friends each year but Covid changed this. However, DH and I travelled to a part of the country we've never been before. We saw the midnight sun. It was spectacular.

Most things I do for fun and socializing have been shut down for the entire year. So I took up a new hobby: sewing. Never done anything more than hand stitch to mend clothes before this year.    I bought a machine in May and now I can sew exercise clothes, wired bras, underwear and swimwear.

Covid halted my business activities and career plans post-uni but I made the Honour's List at my university. I also received a surprise bursary through nomination by the faculty.

The end of 2020 means I am nearing 2 years of staying physically active (my primary form of self-care). In the past, it never lasted more than a few months.

I reached some training goals like being able to deadlift 100kg and perform atleast 1 chin-up. I achieved some unexpected things too like being able to do pull-ups and front squat my body weight.

Covid allowed me to have more time to put into my personal development and learn about myself. To make connections with certain events, thoughts and feelings.

I learned new techniques from Out of the FOG and implemented some of them successfully. There is some ways to go but I am really thankful for the progress I've made. I'm looking forward to the rest of the journey. 

[Lauren17]

I love this idea. I enjoy reading about others successes and it's given me some positive reflection time. Thank you for starting.
My garden was great this year. Probably because I was home more to care for it.
I think I've recovered from a years long workplace bullying incident. I'm stronger now and am thriving at work.
I've been drafting sewing patterns and making my own clothes. (Nothing as hard as underwire bras tho!)
I've lost nearly a stone.
I've set up a quiet spot for myself away from H.
I saw my oldest DD successfully complete her first semester at university.
I used the word "stone" in a sentence even tho I'm not  English
I finally found a T that fits and am healing more.

[Hepatica]

I've felt like the year has sped on by and also felt like it was a million years long! I can't think of anything major that I've done. 

I did get new kitchen counter tops and a new sink. I've read a few books. I started a more consistent meditation routine, using Tara Brach's guided meditations. I've read loads about trauma and PD's. I finessed the garden to the point that there's nothing left to do really, as I have a small space. I also began a really nice routine of taking my two dogs out to a conservation area where there are trails in the woods and doing a great hike with them about three times a week, and I have to say, that has been a big key to my happiness this year. I love doing that. Also, I work on my writing as a discipline.

But much of my time has been spent in dream mode this year. It's like I purposely decided to "not do" when Covid hit because it felt, finally, like taking a pause was not only ok, but expected and I've kind of liked that. I feel like this earth needs a great pause and slowing down is healing for me as well. So in this great quiet I've allowed myself to imagine what it is that gives me a sense of purpose and joy.

In my ultimate dream, and when things open up more following Covid, I move closer to an ocean and a place where I can build a small house on at least 5 acres of land. On that land I re-wild a large part of it and I groom walking trails. I continue to write. I join a writing group and community. I take a few courses. I think about this strong urge I have to rescue things. I have one rescue dog. But if I have acreage, would I rescue something bigger? A few horses? What an adventure that would be and something I've wished for since I can remember being a small child.

This year I've spent a long time paying attention to what I would love to do that would bring me joy and I think I've finally pinpointed that the distant dream of ocean, re-wilding and taking in a few animals is the thing.

2020 has been the year where I finally woke up to the draining FOO. Being advised not to visit them has helped me see the more peaceful life I have without them. The slower, quieter time has given me opportunity to read, research so much about healing. And now I want that to reverberate beyond me, to the things that have no voice. Animals and birds and all forms of wild life, and the land that has been overworked and over cultivated. There's where my passion lies. (I read Isabella Tree's book, Wilding this year and found it so so so inspiring.)

[1footouttadefog]

I have a funny little strip of land that is super long and narrow.  Its a couple acres of 40-50 feet wide with a creek at one end. 

Its largly regrown with small trees and some older ones and has a many decades old fence row of old trees on one side  i plan to make a path to tue creek and back and plant a "hidden" perma culture food forest there with food plants interspersed with the regrowth and with perrenials growing along the path in clusters.  I will plant things like beans and sweet potatoes along the saplings and let grapes grow on the pines and such. There is an idea called tree guilds that i will attept to incorporate.  Out in the open with a back drop of the neighbors wall of cedars, is my little weekend cabin. 

[Hepatica]

1footouttadefog,

That sounds so incredibly beautiful. I love the image of the old fence and the old trees. I hope to one day try to make a food forest as well. And a weekend cabin!!! Perfection!

[Happypants]

What a great post, thanks x

I didn't start off with goals in mind this year, but I've achieved a few i didnt know i had, and even some anti-goals (letting go and undoing some goals that weren't even mine to begin with).

Anti-goals:

I've stopped stressing about keeping on top of a LOT of cream carpet in a house that contains two large dogs who roam a muddy garden - COVID/no visitors has admittedly helped this, but it's something i had to let go of.

I was never interested in "things", but over the past ten years i gradually placed more value on getting tangible objects for a dopamine hit while desperately unhappy. I'm back to the simple things and experiencing life again.

I've let go of any assumptions about the future and stopped trying to control it.

Goals:

Before COVID, i drove a 120mile round trip to climb a mountain in the highlands.  I always loved driving and mountains but  i hadn't driven much more than 20 miles at a time in ten years due to a balance issue.  I got to the bottom of the issue and had a completely independent day doing what matters to me most (and I'll be making a habit of when restrictions allow).

I've gone from stuttering "I'm trying to be a writer"/"i write a little" etc to just saying "I'm a freelance writer" when people ask me what i do for a living - it'll never be seen as a time-consuming real job in some circles and I'm fine with that now 

My life is getting towards being simple and content now.  I've indulged in my analogue/digital organisation, productivity, planning obsession and have finally pinned down system of bullet journal and apps that compartmentalises that which doesn't matter, freeing up time for everything that does.  I'll be investing that free time in my home life, reading more, animals (esp my dogs), and getting out to the wilds as much as possible NOW, rather than always "later".  I want my time back 

[Janeite V]

Well done, all of you, for what you have achieved during what has been a very difficult year for us all. Especially when the PD in your life might be the sort who is threatened by your progress. That's a sure sign you are on the right track!

A special shout out to those of you who were stuck in a PD household during lock-down. I hope 2021 will be easier for you, or at least that you will continue to rise to the challenge with courage.

For 2020, mostly I am proud of how much I've learned about narcissism and how well I've applied the knowledge, even if I did not do so perfectly. Looking over my daily journal for the year, there were many moments where I was tempted to JADE, to try to "defend" others being abused (but only making it worse) or to respond outside of grey rock.

Those incidents would have been much worse without the knowledge I've gained from this site and from the amazing Dr. Ramani. Thank you all for sharing your stories and making the world a better place with your hard-won wisdom.

For 2021 I'd like to improve my inner landscape a bit. I still obsess over narcissism, and frankly, it would be nice to get them entirely out of my head to match my external grey rock. Ideally I'd like to find a good therapist, but I've found that most aren't equipped to help with my particular issues (narcissism, disability, and schizophrenic illness). So adding some self-help books to my reading list this year might be the key.