Dear Estranged and Alienated Parents and Grandparents

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Call Me Cordelia

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Dear Estranged and Alienated Parents and Grandparents
« on: December 26, 2020, 05:15:13 PM »

I like this blogger and this is an article I return to whenever I am feeling anxiety due to hoovering. She nails it about the parents having absolutely no rights. No right to our time, attention, or a relationship.

“Until you “get” what you did and why your kid is upset with you, you are not ready for the next step, and getting what your kid is trying to get across to you may take professional help—like a therapist—and months…even years…before you are truly ready for the next step. And do not take that next step if you aren’t really ready or you will permanently screw this up.

Once you can empathize with your adult child and you are in a headspace that says “Wow, I don’t blame her for cutting me off—I was awful to her!” you are in the right frame of mind to attempt a reconciliation.“

My PD parents and in-laws have given me not a shred of evidence that they are anywhere near that headspace. In fact they’ve blown several attempts each. So I’m perfectly sane to stay where I am and stay NC. The reasons for it haven’t changed, and if nothing changes nothing changes. The onus for digging themselves out of the hole they created for themselves is not my responsibility whatsoever. If they are angry that I won’t take it on, well darn if it doesn’t just validate exactly why I shouldn’t!



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Re: Dear Estranged and Alienated Parents and Grandparents
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2020, 07:38:58 PM »
That was a good article. Thanks for posting. I read through the comments too which were also interesting and basically reinforced the article and everything I’ve read about estranged parents.