goals for 2021?

[Poison Ivy]

I am great at "getting things done" but struggle with accepting myself as okay even when I'm not getting things done. This is something I'd like to become more comfortable with in 2021. Does anyone else have goals for the new year?

[Hilltop]

Yes.  Health is number one,  eating a lot healthier and losing some weight.  I started at the end of this year around October however December has derailed me but I plan on getting back into in the new year.  I noticed that I was calmer and slept so much better when eating right.  I also felt more positively about myself.  I really enjoy the beach so I want to be able to get back out there and feel comfortable.

I recently took a break from my parents and 2021 is the year I really want to focus on healing and getting my emotions back to being healthy.  With distance from my FOO I am hoping to build back up my self esteem, accept myself and gain self confidence etc.

I notice I hide myself away so I am hoping to find a new hobby at some stage as well.  I have always wanted to join a book club so at some stage I hope to do this. Part of my healing is re-introducing things into my life I love and making time for them as well as doing things I always wanted to do but just haven't.  Learning a particular language is one thing I have always wanted to do and continuing with my hiking is one thing I love to do.

I have spent so much time drained from my interactions with my parents.  I just sort of stopped doing things I enjoyed.  In 2021 I want to re-introduce life back into my life. 

[Free2Bme]

"I am great at "getting things done" but struggle with accepting myself as okay even when I'm not getting things done."
          ~Ouch... this is me.

2021 Goals -

Pass my state board exam and find a job
Pay off debt
Continue cultivating my relationship with children
Spend more time reflecting on how far I've come & all I've accomplished, instead of my mistakes/failures
Lose these 10 Pandemic pounds
Catch up on reading
Brave up and do trauma T
Volunteer at nursing home
Make new friends and maybe start dating      (scary)

[Andeza]

2021 is going to be a biiiiig year for us...

Moving to a new state.
Just found out we're pregnant with our second child! So, healthy pregnancy/delivery.
Continue teaching DS foundational stuff.
Continue healing.
Continue researching.... things. Homesteading, gardening, composting, homeschooling, etc.
Maybe be able to buy a piece of property for above purposes!

[Jolie40]

1) goal to finish 2018 taxes by end Jan or Feb & start 2019 taxes
2) lost 10# this year (took ten mos)...goal to lose 10# more
3) we're updating house...goal to do my part
4) help child be happy/engaged in life while doing online school
5) get outside more...basically @ home 90% of time due to covid


Congratulations Andeza!

[GettingOOTF]

Start my own business. This is a big one for me. I have everything I need, including the skills. I need to sit down and do it.

Tighten up my finances.

Reach a specific fitness goal.

Put myself out there more (harder now with Covid).

Work on acceptance/self worth issues.

[SeaBreeze]

I'm going back to college in the Fall!

[Poison Ivy]

I like seeing people's plans and goals. Thank you for sharing. You're inspiring me!

[Kat54]

Goals for 2021

Continue getting my new home together
Work on me, maybe go back to therapy. I have relationship issues, post divorce.
Be more brave with putting my art out there
Keep improving my relationship with my kids.

[SparkStillLit]

Keep building myself back.
More outside things, like my kayak and get back hiking with my friends!
I learned some stuff over this holiday, and off these boards recently. I don't want to be sucked into PD power plays or dramas or be their middle....woman....anymore. I walk right into that rats nest a lot. I need work there.
Work on relations with my kids, that they are the best they can be.
Maybe try some more flowers!

[Happypants]

Main goal for 2021 is getting my health and fitness back to where it was, then other good things will come from that.  Currently, I'm sporting a belly that must be at least partially attributed to the cortisol that has been ever-present for the past 10 years or so.  And partially to wine, Christmas and being in my 40's ......

[dani-desolate]

first and foremost, i should work more seriously on my recovery.
I need to start eating regularly, and gaining weight
i also really want to try to foster more solid relationships with my coworkers- ive worked at the same place for a year and i feel like they hardly know me.
i want to make new friends, which is harder with a pandemic on bcuz im not great at talking online/ through text.

[Penny Lane]

First of all, I'm pregnant! So that will take up most of my 2021 (getting the house ready, staying healthy, then taking care of the baby).

Second of all, this year and the pandemic have really helped us reprioritize re: DH's uPD ex. We just don't have the bandwidth to pay attention to her like we did before. I would really like to continue that. The pandemic and resulting stress forced us to make that space in our life. I want to keep that space and fill it with a baby, my stepkids and all the other things that bring joy to our lives.

Happy new year everyone! Here's to a better 2021!

[Poison Ivy]

Congratulations, Penny Lane and Andeza on the babies in waiting!

[Phoenix Rising]

Great thread:)

Congrats ladies on your pregnancies!! 

My goals for 2021 are a continuance of personal goals I was working on in 2020.

Improving self-esteem.
Continuing NC
Continuing journaling
Saying yes to me and to things that I enjoy, reducing people pleasing
Creating and enforcing my boundaries
Explore mindfulness and yoga
Continuing to exercise throughout the year.

[1footouttadefog]

Reading of the babies coming made me think some thoughts that stand out to me.

If I had a baby coming everything would be so clear.  It would be easier to filter out the covid and politics etc, and be a moma bear and not let pd stuff interfere etc etc.

Wow, I look back and see that I actually lived that way with my kids when they were little and pd started becoming apparently PD. 

Its no that they are in college that things seem murky. 

I am not being flippant, or belitttling the stress with getting ready to parent, but just remembering the clarity I had at that time.

I guess I will pretend I am the baby and will focus on taking care of my and readying my next chapter as I run through the finish line with raising the kids.  I want to have my life in place before they fly the nest. 

Its 2021,  I read a meme that said Y'all hold on tight, 2020 turned 20 and will start drinking.

[Boat Babe]

Hi. I'd like to run this course on parenting for DV survivors to the best of my ability and be able to offer it to as many people as possible. Quitting smoking would be good. Getting my narrow boat ship shape over the Spring and taking friends for weekend cruises over the Summer with gourmet meals as part of the deal as a micro business (Covid permitting). And making further progress with my codependency issues.

Good luck to everyone 💖💖💖

[stormbrewing]

What an inspiring thread. I hope to keep working on my self-worth and confidence. Starting to muddle through why it is so depleted - and I've a lot of work to do.

A part of this will be pushing myself to hit 'post' more (instead of typing then deleting a response or contribution to these forums).

If 2021 brings nothing else, I hope it brings growth. And maybe a sub-30 minute 5k 

[Call Me Cordelia]

Congratulations Andeza and Penny Lane!   

1foot, I think you are right about babies bringing clarity. That principle of putting their needs first clears up so much. Of COURSE they don't need toxicity in their life! I like what you say about you being the baby. Because of course you don't need that either. And you are likewise worthy and important. The oxygen mask n'at.

For me in 2021... I have an exciting but stressful year coming up. We're going forward with a big remodel in the summer, so I have a million decisions to make with DH on that.

I'm also in the middle of reevaluating our homeschool. One of our kids was just diagnosed with ADHD and is also intellectually gifted in certain areas (twice exceptional). So as mom and teacher I definitely have my work cut out for me. And this is not the time to send a kid to school for the first time! I cannot get this child into therapy for the time being because they are all swamped. I had the conversation with an an intake person a few times: "Is your child suicidal?" "No, we need executive skills support..." "Haha cute not happening." (Paraphrased.) So it's back to learning to parent from books, leveled up. And being okay with taking the time to figure things out together. And not beating myself up for not figuring it out sooner.

I NEED to get better at self-care this year. Just like having a baby brings clarity, those two circumstances of the house being gutted and special needs directly affect my kids, and I can't be effective and empathetic and just a decent mom if I'm frazzled and sleep-deprived. I have a tendency to insomnia even when I don't have a baby waking me up. I'm pretty sure I also have ADHD, so I should see my doctor and ask about that.

[TooLiteral]

I decided not to set any goals per se. I usually do but then feel badly when I don't measure up. Instead I am going to work on consistency in most everything I do. Take my pills on time, vacuum the floor on the same day every week, drink enough water every day,make it to my doctor's appts, stop saying "I'm sorry," stop making jokes to fill the silence..... I want to work to create a healthy, honest picture of myself. Without my uNPDh. So when I need to leave, I will be healthy, honest, and myself.