Housemate challenges

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ShyTurtle

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Housemate challenges
« on: December 27, 2020, 08:14:22 PM »
I've been living with my housemate for a few months now. I got out of an abusive situation and needed an emergency place to lay low for a while. When I moved in, she announced that she had bpd, and I thought I could handle things since I'm a very compassionate and patient person, but it's been extra rough lately.

I pay rent, I do cooking and cleaning....but nothing I do is enough for her. She's always looking for something to be angry about.

Her anger is like poison in the house. I can't talk to her about addressing these issues without her breaking down into tears. All she has done in the last month is sit in one spot all day and watch tv/surf the internet/ruminate/sleep. When I am in her space, she doesn't even look at me or acknowledge me. It's pretty sad.

I've been relentlessly patient and kind, but it feels futile. My bf and I gave her multiple xmas gifts, and we didn't get so much as a thank you. (I honestly didn't/do not expect anything from her because this is characteristic of her most recent behavior, and I don't need a thank you. I'm just noticing her inability to be an adult - likely due to her unresolved childhood trauma.)

Believe me, if I was able to move out right now, I would. (The rental options are scare right now.)

Right now I feel like I spend most of my time avoiding her misery and wrath by hiding in my room and searching for other rental options.

I don't want to leave her on bad terms, but I feel like it has come to this because she's seemingly incapable of asserting her own needs or having any sort of emotional maturity or resilience. She's suffering a lot by getting in her own way. I recognize there is nothing I can do to help her. I just need to survive until I find a new place I guess.

I'm feeling a bit trapped, and kind of in survival mode.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.
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ShyTurtle

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I got kicked out
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2020, 09:31:00 PM »
So in the middle of the holidays and covid lockdown, she has decided that she is better off living alone.

I have to find a new place to live.
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Amadahy

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Re: Housemate challenges
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2020, 10:26:59 PM »
Oh, I'm sorry, ShyTurtle!  Can you stay with your bf for a bit, at least?  I hope this is a blessing in disguise and you get a great situation soon.  :hug:
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

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ShyTurtle

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Re: Housemate challenges
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2020, 11:41:11 PM »
Thanks @Amadahy !  Unfortunately my bf's accommodations are not suitable for my son and I, but you're right, the silver lining here may be that we get a place together. We'll see!
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JollyJazz

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Re: Housemate challenges
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2020, 06:52:54 PM »
Hi Shyturtle,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in this situation!
I hope you can get out and be safe soon ☺️
Sending support!!!